Double Standards Between C.I. Children and Deaf Children?
A while ago, the mother of a cute and adorable Deaf girl, Miss Kat, was told by an anonymous commenter that Miss Kat is not a member of Deaf Community because she wears a cochlear implant. Never mind that the child is Deaf and uses ASL. Naturally the mother felt hurt by the hostile rejection of her Deaf child. Many people, mostly hearing parents, oral deaf and Deaf, rushed to comfort the mother while condemning the actions of this anonymous commenter, reassuring her that this anonymous is a part of a small group which doesn’t represent the majority of the Deaf Community. Since I am a fan of the Miss Kat blog, reading the posts regularly, the pain of Miss Kat’s mother touches my heart and I left a comment in support of Miss Kat’s mom. Miss Kat’s mom not only exposes her daughter to ASL, but also the Deaf Community, which helps the girl considerably. She hasn’t exhibited any prejudice against culturally Deaf people and ASL, which is terrific.
However I am seeing some contradictions here.
Some hearing c.i. proponents and oral deaf hardliners condemned the Deaf parents for choosing to use ASL for their children, telling them their children will not be a part of the hearing world. Their refusal to go the oral route, using cochlear implants and AVT, got them bashed. Several even implied that these Deaf parents are engaging in child abuse.
We don’t see the hearing parents of c.i. kids, oral deaf people, and some moderate Deaf people rushing in to defend these Deaf parents, condemning the harsh words of these hearing and oral hardliners. In fact, the poor attitudes toward these Deaf parents don’t receive much attention.
What gives?
Are double standards being practiced here?
Both behaviors should be condemned equally.
What are your thoughts?
Please no bashing. Thanks.
A while ago, the mother of a cute and adorable Deaf girl, Miss Kat, was told by an anonymous commenter that Miss Kat is not a member of Deaf Community because she wears a cochlear implant. Never mind that the child is Deaf and uses ASL. Naturally the mother felt hurt by the hostile rejection of her Deaf child. Many people, mostly hearing parents, oral deaf and Deaf, rushed to comfort the mother while condemning the actions of this anonymous commenter, reassuring her that this anonymous is a part of a small group which doesn’t represent the majority of the Deaf Community. Since I am a fan of the Miss Kat blog, reading the posts regularly, the pain of Miss Kat’s mother touches my heart and I left a comment in support of Miss Kat’s mom. Miss Kat’s mom not only exposes her daughter to ASL, but also the Deaf Community, which helps the girl considerably. She hasn’t exhibited any prejudice against culturally Deaf people and ASL, which is terrific.
However I am seeing some contradictions here.
Some hearing c.i. proponents and oral deaf hardliners condemned the Deaf parents for choosing to use ASL for their children, telling them their children will not be a part of the hearing world. Their refusal to go the oral route, using cochlear implants and AVT, got them bashed. Several even implied that these Deaf parents are engaging in child abuse.
We don’t see the hearing parents of c.i. kids, oral deaf people, and some moderate Deaf people rushing in to defend these Deaf parents, condemning the harsh words of these hearing and oral hardliners. In fact, the poor attitudes toward these Deaf parents don’t receive much attention.
What gives?
Are double standards being practiced here?
Both behaviors should be condemned equally.
What are your thoughts?
Please no bashing. Thanks.
February 19th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Both extremes are wrong. Personal bashing of any sort is wrong. Everyone has a right to their opinion, but they don’t have the right to use their opinion as a club to hurt another.
Parents have the right and responsibility to make all the decisions on how best to raise their children. Sometimes those decisions turn out to be bad ones. But those parents are not likely to “see the light” by being criticized by bashers. If you want to help parents, provide them with support and offer them viewpoints they may or may not have thought about. Give them places to find more information. But ultimately, let them know that your support will continue even if they choose to raise their child differently than you would want. Be there for them if they hit roadblocks in the future.
If parents encounter supportive people in any given community, they are much more likely to include their children in that community than if they continually encounter bashers. This goes both ways, for the Deaf Community and the oral deaf or CI community.
February 19th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Besides being wrong on both ends, it’s also old.
Parents who used sign with their children back in the oral heyday were looked down upon, regarded with pity, and their children were thought to be oral failures for some reason: mental retardation (the term back then), emotional disturbance, physically handicapped or just not sophisticated enough to be with the times.
It was one of the reasons my parents wouldn’t learn to sign even after I grew up. It had too much of a stigma about it. Mom was especially proud of not knowing or using sign with me to the end of her life.
Miss Kat’s mom and others like her are my heroes. Not only did they make decisions that might not be popularly supported in their circles, they have the foresight to see their children as potential members of a future adult Deaf community and prepared themselves to be part of it as well.
February 19th, 2009 at 11:37 am
Yeah… I am seeing the attitude of “my way or none”, “I am right and you are wrong” or/and “ask your child when he/she is older” when it comes to the majority of parents of deaf babies/children making the decision or standing by their decisions. Seems to me that bias is very hard to be left out, due to the memories.
I don’t know. *shrugging helplessly* When it comes to deaf babies/children, strong emotions come into play.
February 19th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Dianrez,
Your comment resonates with mine. My mother (bless her soul – passed away 23 yrs ago), felt the same way as your mother.
I consider that my father being my hero, because he noticed my social-emotional growth when I started learning sign language late in high school (in my Junior year) and he tried to communicate with me in some signs and gestures.
My mother was not to happy to see me taking up sign language, and she kept telling me about her fears that my speech will suffer when I learn sign language.
Then few years later, my mother finally accepted me using sign language, because she can see how socially engaging I was with my peers who are signing.
My oldest sister didn’t think that way until a few years ago, she slowly accepted that.
I did some reflection and learned something really important that I wanted to share with you.
When I was a child, I was able to understand my mother quite well.
It is a common occurrence that the communication bond between a deaf child and a parent (who did the most of the communication – most commonly, a maternal figure) was well developed. Sometimes it can be confusing for siblings, teachers, people who observe the communication between a child and a primary parental communicator being so effective. Then they start to assume that this deaf child can communicate the same way with others, as they did with their mothers.
I can give you another example, I have severe to profound hearing loss, and before TTYs were distributed, I was able to listen and speak on the phone. I only can carry the conversation with my mother only, because I was so used with her voice, especially with her intonation, pitch and clarity of her voice. I tried to do that with my father and my sister and it didn’t work.
Now, back to Miss Kat’s mom, I am so grateful that she made a decision what is best for her child. Therefore she is my hero too.
February 19th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Well, before the internet came to the world, we have seen TV show, “Seasme Street” with Linda Bove. That was it.
Years later, “Signing Times” came to the world.
Look at this Technology today.
Network. New Evolvement. New Movement.
If not for Miss Kat’s involvement in “Signing Times”, what would she do?
Miss Kat and her Mom will always be thankful for that.
February 19th, 2009 at 12:20 pm
Different to my mother who was convinced sign usage equalled poor mental health and refused to let me use it, not that I did until she died anyway. In part it forced me to work at lip-reading and to stay within the hearing area as much as possible, had I opted for full sign, I would have lost that contact no doubt about it. Some loss is inevitable, I do not believe all of it is…
Yes the old belief sign equals dumb still prevailed. Lip-reading forces the voice to be used, and probably forces difficulties with signing deaf too. I do think as the voice is like any other part of your body, either you keep using and excersising it, or you lose it….
Having seen acquired deaf stop talking after signing (And after entering the deaf world and abandoning the hearing one), I opted out of that. As for those tryingt o ostracise the deaf child, it’s barely believable anyone would do that. I thought us adults had it bad enough, but at least we can fight back.
February 19th, 2009 at 12:39 pm
My deaf son has the implant, signs ASL and goes to the deaf school in our state. He has seen nasty comments on the internet about our decision to get the implant. He couldn’t understand it at all. He wondered why other deaf people made negative comments.
He has deaf friends who chose not to get the implant. His words were “it’s their choice”. This 12 year old has more common sense than a lot of deaf adults. . . .
February 19th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
Greetings,
I would not let a so-called “child expert” tell me how to raise my kids (I do not have kids, yet).
I would allow my kids to learn to speak and sign and then nurture whichever the better ability he/she happens to do better.
I do think there is a double standard base on what I read in your blog. Interesting.
Ben
BBF
February 19th, 2009 at 1:00 pm
What I am trying to point out that Deaf parents receive the same treatment from hearing c.i proponents and some oral deaf people, but I don’t see the same condemnation of these people from others.
Recently I saw an oral deaf person with c.i. proclaiming this device will help the child hear, speak and be a part of the world.
Say again? Part of the world? What’s the purpose of that statement? Is this to imply that Deaf children without cochlear implants, who cannot speak and hear, are not part of the world? Strangely, nobody else hold that person accountable for that prejudicial statement, except me. That had been bothering me since then. The last time I checked, Deaf people without cochlear implants, including those who cannot speak and hear, are still a part of the world.
February 19th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Hm.
Again, we who promote our beliefs/products/etc. need to make clear that there are no guarentees, that there would always be some degrees of success and some degrees of failures. Need to put in “fine print” that whatever works for one does not necessarily mean it would work for another. Again it is about bias… and also the stereotyping. Funny, I was talking about “low expectations” with a friend of mine and she mentioned that the history of “low expectations” was very hard to be erase, so the question was HOW to change low expectations to high expectations, thus changing the history.
Hmm. Media, expectations, emotions, etc. I am just saying in a kind of meaningless way now… since there are many factors which lead some of us feel strong about it, different way.
Double standards. Well… we all do practice double standards in different ways, to rationalize/justify our emotions/actions.
February 19th, 2009 at 2:41 pm
Karen –
*Scratching my head*
Could you please explain more specific on “low expectations?” I don’t understand what you meant.
Thanks.
February 19th, 2009 at 2:46 pm
I have to say that I had never heard of a Deaf parent being told to implant their child….yikes! That is incredibly offensive. I would say that as long as the Deaf person has done real research (the kind that should be required before ANY parent is allowed to implant a child) and looked into what is best for their child, than they should not be judged for their decision.
I know one Deaf family that chose to implant their child after a sudden drop in the child’s hearing. They also chose to pull her from the bi-bi school and mainstream her. They were doing what was best for HER, no one else.
Just because it was WONDERFUL for Miss Kat to get an implant, it does not mean I would do it for all Deaf kids, or even her pother ear!
I know one hearing mom who has triplets, two of which are Deaf. She gave one a CI and the other one has hearing aids. The first time I met her I asked her why. Her answer was simple “He didn’t need one”…..so simple, yet so profound.
February 19th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Hello Mishka Zena, it’s been a long while since I’ve commented on your site, but I do enjoy reading your posts here and your comments elsewhere.
I was one of those who rushed in to defend Miss Kat’s Mom who was attacked (by someone who claims that she has no right to consider her daughter Deaf because of her decision to take the ASL plus CI path). I have spoken out on other blogs whenever I thought I might be able to lend a voice of solidarity or support, but there are a few reasons why you might have seen such a groundswell of support from other CI parents in this case, although I can really only speak for myself:
I don’t know of many hearing-parent-of-deaf-child-without-CI or -HA blogs on DeafRead, DeafVillage, or elsewhere and haven’t personally come across attacks made on those who choose not to get a CI or a hearing aid for their children. I do follow many of the CI parents’ sites because they are readily available via the pediatric CI Circle and Deaf Village, and I learn so much from their experiences, which are similar to what we are currently encountering, despite some very varied approaches. So, because I’m a regular reader, I’m going to respond if someone is causing pain to the people who have helped me so much without ever realizing it, people like Jodi, Val, Ellis’s parents, Peas’ parents, Lotte Sofie’s parents, the Loudest Mom, Karen Mayes, Ann_C, and K.L and many more — oh my gosh, I shouldn’t have started a list because my RSS reader goes on and on — well, these and many others are are all people who are putting a lot of sometimes difficult thoughts and personal issues out there, pretty selflessly, and they don’t dictate to others what ought to be done or pass judgment. They just provide their own insight and experiences, good and bad, in ways that others can learn from. They don’t go around telling anyone else what to do, or what not to do. So I’m going to object when someone else takes a nasty turn with someone I sort of “know” in this weird online way.
There are some Deaf blogs where bringing up a CI is an offense, and just as I wouldn’t enter someone’s living room and bring up a sensitive topic or hang around where my presence alone gives pain, I’m just not going to enter discussions on some sites. Also, quite honestly, there are a number of blogs where I’ve come to realize that my voice might undermine the person I would hope to support. In fact, your blog is one of those sites that I very much hesitate to comment on, based on past experience: You have, at times, taken on some very controversial topics, including CIs. And I’ve seen you and a number of moderate Deaf bloggers attacked because of the pro-CI readership attracted because of your willingness to hear and discuss views you might not personally agree with. I’ve seen you taken to task by other Deaf writers simply because you allow CI parents to comment on your site without taking that as an opportunity to challenge their beliefs. So basically, if I were to come to your defense on your site, I would probably diminish your Deaf ‘street cred’ because I’m one of ‘those hearing parents’.
And lastly, Miss Kat’s Mom is breaking new ground, she’s taking a path that’s not well documented, proven, supported, and is often attacked by all sides, fervent AVT-ers as well as hardline anti-CI types. I know this well, as we’re on the same path. We don’t have a big organization and lots of great research to back up our approach (so we don’t always have NAD or AGBell firmly behind us, developing ASL-CI curricula and therapies). And mainstream and deaf schools that provide both immersive ASL and aural rehabilitation are few and far between (but they are out there!). Miss Kat’s Mom doesn’t have a wall of voices coming to her aid the way someone like Rachel, with a well-established and proven track record of AVT-CI successes, has. So, I wanted to be there for her the same way her voice has been out there for me, as one of the few who are taking this particular approach. It’s a solidarity thing — we’re in similar circumstances, so we feel passionate about the issue.
MZ, if you look back into these blogs a bit, you’ll see similar occasions when packs of CI parents have defended and debated someone like Miss Kat’s Mom when attacked by those who think we are undermining our children’s learning opportunities by not providing spoken language immersion (removing ASL from the mix). That whole bi-bi debate has gotten pretty heated at times and attacks on parenting often come up in the process. I don’t think there is really a double standard. I just think there may not be a concentrated collection of Hearing parents of Deaf children’s blogs the way there is in this particular DR/DV community.
February 19th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
Hi Miss Kat’s Mom,
Yep, it did happen that a Deaf parent or Deaf parents being told to implant or pressured to implant their deaf child.
“Sound and Fury” (2000) a documentary which was nominated as Academy Award for Best Documentary Feature (http://www.pbs.org/wnet/soundandfury/) is one of the examples that the parents-in-laws pressured the married deaf couple implanting their deaf child. In result of that, seven years later, deaf mother and deaf girl were implanted.
There was a famous legal case in Michigan which Deaf Pundit wrote about several weeks ago that the department of social services want deaf children to be implanted against deaf mother’s wishes. The court supported deaf mother’s rights.
Believe me, Miss Kat’s Mom – the pressure is immense out there. The bottom line is that respecting the parents’ wishes what is best for the child is the most important thing, as long these parents are informed.
Amy
February 19th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Ahhhh, White Ghost… “low expectation”… in the same breath as “deaf schools as dumping grounds for mainstreamed deaf students”. Due to the average reading level at 4th grade for high school graduates, the teachers (both hearing and deaf–even Deaf–teachers) teach the deaf students a grade or more below the average. “Low expectations” smack of audism, I know.
I can’t really explain, and… Mishka, won’t you elaborate more on it?
Or is it a bit sensitive subject?
February 19th, 2009 at 3:58 pm
As Miss Kat’s Mom said, I too have never seen anyone argue with a parent, hearing or deaf, that he or she should implant a deaf child, on any of the blogs I’ve read. I’ve objected any time I’ve been part of a discussion and someone takes a stance that any one approach or methodology is the only ‘right’ or ‘successful’ path for all children. I definitely think that insisting someone implant a child would be terribly inappropriate and offensive.
Before we made the decision to take the CI route along with ASL, I was never approached by anyone who insisted that a CI was the ‘right’ choice (not online or off). As Amy mentioned, in the film “Sound and Fury” there was a great deal of pressure both to implant and not to implant within the family, but I think that’s a good discussion to have with all the research at hand — within a family. But not with strangers online.
February 19th, 2009 at 4:02 pm
I understand what your’e referring to. It’s about the academic standard that the county supposed to provide for the equal public access. (SATs, SOLs, and bla, bla, bla)
Could be the high-sensitive subject, Karen.
February 19th, 2009 at 4:12 pm
Hi Li-Li Mom, I am glad you and Miss Kat’s mom weren’t unduly pressured. It isn’t my implication to imply that all Deaf parents are exposed to this pressure. However enough are subjected to it to get my attention on it. It’s not just the families, but also the medical professionals, teachers, neighbors, etc.
As a bystander, I’ve seen it many times on the Internet where Deaf parents are berated constantly by both the c.i. proponents and the public for their refusal to fit their children cochlear implants.
I also hear several cases where the social service agencies tried to pressure the Deaf parents into this. Deaf Pundit discussed a well known case in Michigan. There was another one, in Nebraska I think, the last two years. I don’t know what happened to that case, though.
February 19th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Some hearing teachers have low expectations of the Deaf students and don’t push them to higher academic standards which their hearing peers are exposed to. It’s a very common problem, not just in Deaf schools, but also in mainstreamed schools. I’ve seen that in post- secondary programs. One of the reasons Deaf teachers are so popular is due to the high expectations they have from the Deaf students.
February 19th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
@ MZ, you said: “We don’t see the hearing parents of c.i. kids, oral deaf people, and some moderate Deaf people rushing in to defend these Deaf parents, condemning the harsh words of these hearing and oral hardliners.”
As far as my memories serves me right, the majority of the attacks seems to be coming from extreme right deaf advocates towards the C.I./oral parents and towards AGBell. And that the moderates do voice their objections towards anyone that thinks they can dictate to the parents what they should be doing for their child.
Maybe you can clarify that or point to examples?
I have seen hearing parents promote and advocate, but to attack deaf people’s choice? It may be how one looks at it. If someone is so well knowledgeable about a certain choice, they will advocate it and show the pros and cons. We have pros and cons all the way around for every choice that is out there. There is a difference when one does that as vs one demeaning a choice. I don’t see hearing parents attacking NAD, nor do I see them protesting against DBC alongside at DBC rally. Do they? Do I see AGBell members going to some deaf convention to protest? I am a moderate and I do feel that each group has every right to advocate and to allow the parents to make their own decisions. By harsh words, everyone defines it differently. Did it ever occur to you that what seems to be harsh to you may not be to them simply because they are just driving a point home based on what they know, yet, they may be ignorant at some level?
I would think the best way to approach all of that is to educate and eradicate myths that attaches itself to each methods.
February 19th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
I did see “Sound and Fury”, 3 days before Miss Kat’s surgery!
I hated every single person in the movie! I thought they were all obscene and everyone threw the word “abuse” with far too much ease. I take that back, I like the Deaf parents who had implanted their daughter. They were reasonable. I cried and cried when the Deaf Grandma said, at the surgery “I’m so afraid he will learn to talk and then make fun of me”. What a sad thing. What happened to this woman that she believed herself so unlovable and broken that her own grandbaby wouldn’t love her? But is that a reason not to give a child a CI? So that he won’t talk, so that his grandma won’t feel bad? Of course not. On the other hand, every hearing person in the movie needed a good punch in the face. “She’s not deaf now” ….MY ASS!
February 19th, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Miss Kat’s Mom! That was both terribly poignant and hysterically funny, all in one breath. I’m still laughing at the thought of you winding up that roundhouse while watching the movie …
February 19th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Yeah I didn’t feel comfortable about cochlear implants until I started working with deaf children in a school. There I noticed that almost everyone in the school has cochlear implant. You would be amazed at how much they can work — they are so much better than hearing aids! And I would think they are much more comfortable to wear than hearing aids as some of them don’t have earmolds. And you can go in for mapping to make sure the cochlear implants are working for you. So there are a lot of benefits in it. However, it does not work for all deaf children, I’ve seen some CI failures, some of them had to have repeat surgeries to implant new CI models.
I think what triggers a lot of deaf people is that back in the oralism days, we were literally forced to wear these bulky hearing aids and endure those FM with heavy earphones, thus making our ears burn when they overheated. So when they see a deaf baby or child implanted with CI, the feelings come back and it is as if people are constantly trying to mold deaf people into normal hearing beings with all kinds of uncomfortable devices.
To be honest with you, the cochlear implant devices are the most ugliest thing I ever seen, it is unfortunate that they have to be so ugly. Yikes! But I do know that they work very well for some deaf people.
ALso deaf and hearing parents feel the peer pressure to have their baby implanted by the medical society. The doctors have a way of convincing parents to implant their deaf babies, the smooth talking language and the gentle way of persuading parents into it. If they don’t do it, they are considered as “odd” or whatever. SO I think it is a parent peer thing.
Miss Kat’s parents are making difficult choices but Miss Kat will let them know when she gets older if the choices were the right ones or not.
February 19th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
The movie, Sound and Fury was a really sad one, the deaf parents didn’t get much support. In fact, they were vilified for making a bad choice for their deaf daughter. Had it been hearing parents, I’m sure a lot of people would be in tears, feeling “oooh ahh” the happy ending that the deaf child can hear.
Deaf people are the most misunderstood group!
February 19th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
With every choice having both pros and cons, there can be any number of “right choices” or “wrong choices” later on for the deaf kid to tell his parents about.
Highly intelligent children with no other problems tend to do well no matter what methods were used. (And end up as poster children for that method!)
Children with additional challenges, such as dyslexia or uninvolved parents or acoustic complications, tend to do better with specific methods addressed to these needs and employing their strengths more than usual.
Also, childrens’ needs change with growth, so an approach that was great at age 3 may no longer be right at age 7. Ongoing attention to their immediate needs and constant evaluation of their benefits need to be done.
An example: when children reach their teens, the sophistication and complexity of their intellectual skills explodes. Suddenly the language of the home, if it was a restricted mode, becomes no longer adequate for their needs.
Re-evaluation might result in introducing sign in preparation for college studies at a Deaf university. Or it might consider transferring to a private school in order to have smaller classes in a pure oral/aural environment. Or it might include extracurricular groups with area Deaf students.
Keeping open all possibilities at every stage of the child’s growth is essential. Support of both parents and children in finding these change points is also essential; something we all need to work on.
February 20th, 2009 at 2:07 am
[...] Zena asks if there are double standards at play in her article, Double Standards Between C.I. Children and Deaf Children?. It is a very valid [...]
February 20th, 2009 at 8:17 am
Dianrez, in other words, follow the child’s lead.
Well-written comment.
February 20th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Amy is correct that Deaf parents are pressured to implant their Deaf child or children. The story that DeafPundit told about is one example.
I have a Deaf acquaintance who is the mother of a Deaf child. A few years ago, when this child was an infant, she had professionals who work in an agency responsible for infant screening and referrals to audiologists, therapists, etc come to her house several times touting the virtues of cochlear implants and the importance of AVT for “language development.” Each time, the mother turned them away. I must tell you the pressure was intense for this mother. This mother comes of a family of mostly Deaf people.
To these hearing professionals, this mother was dooming her to a lifetime of disability. Yet, when a Hearing mother chooses to
not implant her child, that is called choice. She would be supported with whatever decisions she makes.
However, the Deaf mother is condemned if she doesn’t conform with the Hearing expectation that she do everything to help her child fit into the Hearing world.
Not many outside the Deaf community would have defended this
Deaf woman’s choice.
February 20th, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Li-Li’s Mom – good to see you around again! You said something that I found very interesting and would like to respond to… you wrote: Also, quite honestly, there are a number of blogs where I’ve come to realize that my voice might undermine the person I would hope to support.
I don’t quite understand how you think by speaking out on blogs like MZ’s undermines the blogger’s position.
I think by having parents like you come on here and sharing your views, it actually helps. It shows that you guys ARE listening to the Deaf community, and we can engage in dialogue. We all have experiences, ideas, viewpoints to bring to the table. And ultimately, what we talk about here on the blogs, affect *your* children.
These children are part of the Deaf Community, but they are not our children. They are yours. I feel safe in saying that for many of us in the Deaf Community, we would like to continue this kind of dialogue, so we can learn from each other, so your children can benefit from this. That way, when they become old enough and comfortable enough, they can then participate more fully with the Deaf Community, and make positive contributions, just like they will with society at large.
And yes, there are many topics that are sensitive, but I think it’s worth addressing. I don’t think it’s possible for just us Deaf to address these issues alone, and nor should we.
So in that vein, I think the issue MZ raises here in her blog is a very valid concern. Deaf parents do get bashed for their decisions. Heck, when I was a child, my own mother who is hearing, got bashed for her decisions on how to educate me. It’s very real thing, but it’s certainly a sensitive topic, and not very many want to address sensitive/uncomfortable topics except for hardliners and a lone few moderates like me and MZ, it seems.
February 23rd, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Highly opinionated people exist in all walks of life, not just the Deaf walk. People tell you how you should live your life, how to raise your kids and make ridiculous unfounded criticisms…ALWAYS! The ci issue is a tough one, because surgical intervention is involved, therefore I rarely have heard examples of people forcing the ci on others. Methodologies are a different issue–don’t confuse the two. Any time surgery is involved, people are more hesitant by nature to say, “DO THE SURGERY!” God forbid something happens to the child despite the safe technology and procedures available nowadays, wouldn’t want to be the voice responsible for that call.
It is the parents who choose. Now the methodologies debate is up for grabs as to who knows best. My take is that it’s a personal family decision, but we already know that.
Li-Li’s mom…you wrote a beautiful comment- as always- and I greatly appreciated it.
Interesting post, Mishka- I’m sorry I arrived late..
Hugs,
Jodi
February 26th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Obviously many people don’t realize that Deaf parents of Deaf children are treated differently from their hearing peers. Hearing parents are respected for the decisions they have made regarding their Deaf children. However Deaf parents are not afforded the same treatment, even when surgical procedures are involved.
I guess it is the same with white people and African American people. I wasn’t aware that certain Deaf African Americans were treated differently until they started telling me stories. At first I was startled, then later when I started paying close attention, I began to notice things that I was oblivious in the past. It was the same thing with the treatment of Deaf and Hearing parents. I didn’t notice until Deaf parents started sharing stories with me, then once I became fully aware, I could see the differences myself.
Sometimes we don’t notice things until they are pointed out to us first. It makes sense. We tend not to notice things if they don’t affect us personally.