What’s The Problem With “Fix”?
It has come to my attention that some parents of kids with cochlear implant are objecting to my use of the word, fix, in reference to cochlear implants.
What’s wrong with the word fix?
Fix:
a: repair, mend <fix the clock>
b: restore, cure <the doctor fixed him up>
fix – Definition from the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary
We fixed the heart problems with an open heart surgery. We fixed the boy’s back by using corrective brace. I think doctors would call cochlear implants a corrective approach to the deafness. If it’s not fixing the listening apparatus, then insurance companies won’t cover the procedure.
Has it come down to this point that hearing parents criticizing us for the use of a word, which according to the dictionaries, is proper description? And why do hearing people seem to assume they know English better than we do?
”COCHLEAR IMPLANTS ARE NOT A FREAKING WAY OF FIXING YOUR DEAF CHILD…CHOOSING TO OPERATE ON YOUR DEAF CHILD IS A PAINFUL DECISION FOR A PARENT TO MAKE, PAINFUL, BUT WORTH IT…AT LEAST FOR MY KID.” An American Mom in Tuscany: Jordan’s Cochlear Implant Story: Did the Lynched Parents Receive Adequate Support?
P.S. Clarification is needed here. This post isn’t a part of my series on C.I., so I’m reacting as a deaf person, not as a neutral blogger.
It has come to my attention that some parents of kids with cochlear implant are objecting to my use of the word, fix, in reference to cochlear implants.
What’s wrong with the word fix?
Fix:
a: repair, mend <fix the clock>
b: restore, cure <the doctor fixed him up>
fix – Definition from the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary
We fixed the heart problems with an open heart surgery. We fixed the boy’s back by using corrective brace. I think doctors would call cochlear implants a corrective approach to the deafness. If it’s not fixing the listening apparatus, then insurance companies won’t cover the procedure.
Has it come down to this point that hearing parents criticizing us for the use of a word, which according to the dictionaries, is proper description? And why do hearing people seem to assume they know English better than we do?
”COCHLEAR IMPLANTS ARE NOT A FREAKING WAY OF FIXING YOUR DEAF CHILD…CHOOSING TO OPERATE ON YOUR DEAF CHILD IS A PAINFUL DECISION FOR A PARENT TO MAKE, PAINFUL, BUT WORTH IT…AT LEAST FOR MY KID.” An American Mom in Tuscany: Jordan’s Cochlear Implant Story: Did the Lynched Parents Receive Adequate Support?
P.S. Clarification is needed here. This post isn’t a part of my series on C.I., so I’m reacting as a deaf person, not as a neutral blogger.
January 29th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
i guess she doesnt want to admit that the motherly side of her does enjoy fixing her kid. She’s giving her kid a chance at improving communication with hearies. from my standpoint; she sees it as “improving”. I see it as “fixing”.
my impression of her post is that she is certainly criticizing us older adults. Great for her for adopting a deaf kid and trying her best with the child.
but i’ll never respect any hearing adult, that treats us like kids. SO WHAT IF WE DIDNT GREW UP WITH THE SAME ACCESS THAT MOST KIDS AND PARENTS NOW HAVE CHOICES FOR. sometimes i can’t help but feel as if she’s getting high off the “success” of her parenting choices and comparing her kid to us grown up deafies.
January 29th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
additionally. i think it’s comparing apples to oranges. she’s probably referring to those who depend on Vlog to communicate clearly and we all know that special part of the deaf community writes like kids. No wonder any hearing parent will be wary of using ASL as the bedrock for communication.
January 29th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
American Mom, this link is for you.
http://fookembug.wordpress.com/2008/01/29/why-did-hearing-people-take-over/
GO READ IT. and sit down on the passenger seat and let us drive.
January 29th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
I think a better word would be “Improve”. For example, a hearing parent would say ” My deaf child received a Cochlear Implant to improve his/her hearing ability. Saying it this way is more appropriate and offer a true sense of what really occurred.
Steven Mutti
January 29th, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Improve still means fix. Look at the definition under improve
improve
v.
To make better
better, ameliorate, mend, amend, enhance, enrich, cultivate, revise, update, upgrade, elevate, polish, refine, purify, enlarge, touch up, edit, emend, civilize, educate, meliorate, landscape, develop, revamp, renew, give color to, set right, reorganize, promote, reform, raise, lift, rectify, correct, rehabilitate, renovate, spruce up, gentrify, refashion, regenerate, retread, overhaul, fix, straighten out, distill, change for the better, fix up*, doctor up*, give a good going over*, be the making of*; see also adjust 3, change 1, correct 1, repair. improve -http://www.yourdictionary.com/improve
January 29th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
That would be seen as a “reversible disability” described by the would-be parent of deaf youngster.
Any kind of corrective surgery on human being is equaled to the fixing of physical flaws.
How come didn’t the insurance company willing to pay for the corrective surgery of cleft lips, then will pay for the cochlear surgery? I couldn’t understand at all!
xxxx with parents of deaf youngsters whose inflicted their cultural and personal beliefs upon vulnerable beings – deaf children without their consents!
Robert L. Mason (RLM)
RLMDEAF blog
January 29th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Elizabeth,
You are absolutely right in this regard.
I have recently read an article wherein a term, “fix,” was mentioned. The doctor at The Johns Hopkins University Hospital in Baltimore “was fixing” the valve of a patient’s heart.
Any CI person or any person of a CI person, who resents the said term, is merely using the defensive mechanism.
Or, he misunderstands what the dictionary says about “fix.”
Any word has many meanings. One has to read the dictionary with judgment and intelligence. He has to read each definition of 1a, 1b, 1c, 2a, 2b, 3, 4, and 5. A perosn must know how to read the dictionary in order to understand better.
For example, “deaf,” has several meanings. “Deaf” does not mean that I cannot hear and am a very stubborn person” at the same time.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Correct me if im wrong but you and others in the deaf community have been screaming for ever that deaf children/people are not broken and thus dont need to be “fixed.”
So now that that hearing parents of CI children are claiming the same thing that their children were not “fixed” you raise a fuss.
This is so damn funny. I agree deaf people are not broken and do not need fixing. Having a CI is NOT fixing the child or the problem because they are still deaf, having a hearing aid does not fix the problem, wearing glasses does not fix a person with bad eye sight.
These are measures that enable children to function and hear better, in case of glasses enable thems to see better but it does not FIX them.
CI is a serious surgery and until people like you lay off parents who make this decision for their children, the deaf community will never gain any measure of real respect.
So its ok for the deaf community to claim they dont need to be fixed but boy let a hearing person say that and all hell breaks looks….
There’s a word that starts with an “H” that would fit perfectly here, wonder what that word is…
January 29th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
*LAUGHS*
You said it, Lolypup!
)
Paotie
January 29th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Regardless of what you say, a cochlear implant procedure is still ‘fixing’ the problem, especially if it involves a surgery. If it’s not a restorative procedure, the insurance company will not cover the surgery
By the way, you have no idea what my position is. Please don’t assume you do.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
You’re propagandizing your position, which is quite easily to understand.
Ain’t no assuming required here.
)
Paotie
January 29th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Correction: you are making an assumption when you make the statement above.
Again you have no idea what my position is.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Hmmmm so now its ok for deaf people to correct a hearing persons ASL but god forbid a hearing person tries to correct a deaf persons English.
Whats that word again I been looking for, starts with an “H” hmmmm!
January 29th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
*LAUGHS*
GO, LOLYPUP, GO!!
)
Paotie
January 29th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Hypochrondiac!?!?
Paotie
January 29th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Lolypup,
Obviously you have no idea who I am, but grouping me with people you assume I am.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Darn! I didn’t spell that word right!
H-y-p-o-c-h-o-n-d-r-i-a-c.
)
Paotie
January 29th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Miska,
No I dont know you but I have read enough of your postings to get an idea of what kind of person you are. Thats not a good thing, in fact many of your posts I agree with.
However from this current post its clear your feelings on the issue and im responding to these feelings that are showing in this post. Not responding to you as a person or even who you are.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Eyeglasses and hearing aids are jury-rigged fixes. Cochlear implants fix the inability of the cochlea to process sounds the way Lasik surgery fixes astigmatism.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Elizabeth,
Sigh! All I am trying to do is find a better and a more appropriate choice of word to use in the situation above. You don’t have to tell me to look up the word “Improve” as I know exactly what it mean!! There are many different choice of words you can use for one meaning. It’s all boils down to choosing a more appropriate word where everyone is comfortable with it. If a hearing parents of a CI child is uncomforable with the word “Fixed” then we should try to find a better choice of word as that was my sole intention. To me it sound like you are saying “Too bad if you don’t like the word “Fixed” so get over it.” That not the right attitude to have especially when we the Deaf community are trying to improve our relationship and understanding of the CI community. I hope you understand where I am coming from. All I am interesting in is getting the CI community and the Deaf community to work more closely together and have a better understanding of each other community.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
Okaayyy, Lolypup, so you now know where I stand based on my objection of someone criticizing my grammatically correct usage of a word?
Wow.. Why don’t you go and make a living with that psychic ball of yours?
Steve, she screamed at me. That’s where I draw the line. If she was polite or took the time to explain to me, that would be a different story.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:26 pm
I’m with lolypup and Paotie here. It seems we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. It is the Deaf community that has slapped the label “fixed” on to ci kids, and then condemns us parents because we feel the need to “fix” our kids. I am getting just a bit tired of having other people attach false motivations on my actions, simply because that is how they want to see it.
What is it you want? Do you want to simply slap us around for not raising our kids the way you want us to? Fine, I’ll leave and keep my kid away from all the negativity of the Deaf Community. Do you want to try to find a middle ground where we can all try to get along for the good of our children? I cannot allow my child to be exposed to such a negative group of people. If you cannot accept my decision for my child, and respect me and her, then we will never be able to find any common ground.
I’m not asking anyone to change their minds on the implant, just to open up enough to admit that there is more than one right answer, and to respect us parents for doing our best for our children.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Ptui, why don’t you expectorate in your OWN blog?
January 29th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
ok… Ok… I give, I can concede to a point that getting a CI is the great american “fix” it solution to deafness.
So lets all go get fixed…
*pushes paotie* you go first!
because if we concede that a CI is “fixing” the problem then we must also agree that being deaf is a problem that needs fixing.
Either/Or, cant have it both ways, oh wait we can have it both ways but then that would make us all, ok dang it whats that word again… starts with an hmmm “H” no no not Hypochrondiac or however its spelled thats people who imagine things, oh wait, imagine things… Never mind!
January 29th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
Elizabeth,
After reading more comments from others and you, I can see you are taking this very personally. You are taking it the wrong way. Whoever try to correct you came across the wrong way. All you had to do at that point was try to find a better choice of word to use for the situation mentioned above. If you had use this approach, maybe the person that u are dealing with would have responed, “Yes, that is a better way of saying it.”
January 29th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
K.L. I expect to be treated with respect. I take offense if someone screamed at me.
Again you have no idea what my position is. I don’t jump into conclusions about you and I appreciate it if you do the same thing and refrain from clumping me with others.
Steve, read my comment above. Maybe you don’t care if someone screamed at you with full hostility, but I do not appreciate being treated this way.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Boy, after reading more comments, this post has done nothing but create more tensions between the two communities. If I were have posted this article, I would have added, “Well everyone, what do you think is a better choice of word to use other than “Fixed” as apparently the parents of CI childrens are not comfortable with this.
Then I think the dialogue would have been more psoitive. It has nothing to do what the true meaning of the word “Fixed”. It has to do with the choice of the word being use.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
For some, deafness is a condition that requires “fixing”. For others (for instance, those who have never been hearing, or have no desire to hear), it isn’t. It’s all in how you define “deafness”.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Steve, I am not the one who lost her cool and screamed at someone else. If you don’t mind that, that is your prerogative, however, I do object.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:40 pm
Mishka,
I wasn’t talking to you specifically, but to all the comments above, and to everyone who condemns me for implanting my child. The blog you mentioned above did not scream at you directly either. She was responding to all the negativity coming at her. Please, enough already. We get it. Many Deaf people don’t like implants, especially if we don’t also teach our kids ASL. I’m not sure if anyone has heard a word we’ve said about why we choose to implant our kids. What do you want from us?
January 29th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
K.L., that’s the problem. Even you are doing this. You have no idea what my position on this area is.
She added the link to my blog, so yes, I feel she was referring to me along with others.
I do not appreciate people making assumptions they know what my position is. Please wait until I am done with my series on cochlear implants!
January 29th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Elizabeth,
You were grammically correct, but the choice of word was not suitable to the person whoever you were communicating with. When you mentioned that the person was screaming at you, was it in person or via email? If it was via email, all you had to do was think of a better choice of word and responded back to him/her. Why did you have to post this article the way you did and open up another can of worms? Post an article along with the intention of trying to find a solution!!. Not trying to prove your point that the word “Fixed” is grammically correct to use whether they like it or not.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Steve, why don’t you read the whole post before you jump on me? She screamed at me and others in her blog, for everybody to read. Go check the quote and the link in my post.
I will appreciate it if she approaches with me with respect and explains why, but not with that screaming. I don’t take this from anyone, deaf or hearing.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Elizabeth,
Then keep it to yourself and work it out with that person. Don’t publicize it and make it worse by getting everyone else involved and creating more tensions between the two communities.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Well, I am not you, Steve. I don’t let someone treat me like this.
January 29th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
Mishka,
You keep stating over and over and over that we do not know what your position is, so please enlighten us and tell us what your position is.
No where in your blog did you state ANYTHING about you were upset over the fact that she screamed at you. You made a post about “whats wrong with fixing” that was your post and most of us commented on THAT alone.
Now your throwing in we dont know your position and she was screaming at you. So are you saying you got so mad at the fact she was screaming at you that you decided to write a blog about the word “fix” and its correct usage.
Something does not add up, so please clarify so all of these comments will stop and we will finally understand your position.
Thanks,
January 29th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
I’m just going to respond to whether the word “fix” is appropriate. I do think that cochlear implants, whether right or wrong, ARE an attempt to “fix” deaf children. They come from the paradigm that deaf children are defective, will have a harder time communicating with the larger society, et cetera, and therefore need help.
Please note that I am not debating whether cochlear implants are appropriate or not in this comment. I am simply responding that I believe that “fix” is an appropriate word to use in this context, because it is an attempt to make the deaf child more hearing than he/she would be without the implant.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
Didn’t realized that “link” was about the adoption situation. My question is what was the purpose of your post mentioned above as it really has nothing to do with the adoption situation. It two completely different issues here. All I read from you was that parents of CI child object to the word “Fixed” and I completely understand that. So I was trying to come up with a better choice of word where everyone would be comfortable.
I thought my attitide was fine as all I was trying to do is point out the problem/confusion and how to better approach the situation. I am sorry if I came across the wrong way toward you as that was not my intension.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:07 pm
I am correct in using the word fix when used in reference to cochlear implant.
I find it very telling that I am heavily reprimanded for taking offense at someone criticizing me for the word I choose and also that I don’t appreciate people screaming me, but people condone her criticizing and screaming at me. Oh, because I am deaf, I shouldn’t object to how a hearing person treats me, that is it?
Something doesn’t add up, alright
January 29th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Fixed implies that we see our children as broken. Fixed implies that their hearing will be “all better” after the implant. Fixed is a word that many Deaf people use to bash hearing parents over the head with.
Can you blame us for being just a bit sensitive about the word?
January 29th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
I was thinking of a word that started with “H” but after comment number 39, I think Mr. Paotie hit it on the head with the Hypochrondiac term even if I spelled it wrong.
Ok, im out of here. Trying to fix this would be like trying to, never mind!
January 29th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
If you don’t see the problem needing fixing, then there would be no surgery. That’s why I was confused when Jodi objected to my choosing of that word.
How can the word fixing be offensive when it is a fact? It’s something I would have used for any surgical procedure. I have never bashed Hearing parents for whatever they chose to do with their children. I would appreciate not being lumped with others.
Hypochondriac? That doesn’t even make any sense.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Hearing parents wouldn’t get cochlear implants for their deaf children unless they saw deafness as a condition that needed “fixing”, and I personally see nothing wrong with that. As someone who was hearing at one time, I can understand–and sympathize.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
I keep getting lumped in with all hearing parents when it is assumed that we see our children as damaged and in need of “fixing”, but that is apparently ok.
If you truly see our reasons for implanting our kids as our need to “fix” them, then you are missing a big point. It is not about fixing them, but about trying to lower barriers to their future, and ease communication between them and the hearing world. It is about trying to make it easier for them. Helping them. It is not about denying their deafness, or trying to fix them. If it takes shouting to get that point across then maybe more of us implant parents need to shout more.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Any hearing who want to “fix” the Deaf are NAZI and God is so sad that someone fix the Deaf while God make them as Deaf so shame on hearing who “FIX” the Deaf
January 29th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
What OH BOY says is exactly my point. No respect, only bashing us over the head with the word “fix”.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Well, if you think shouting is going to help, you are sorely mistaken. This will only worsen the tension between the communities.
It appears you are in denial what the word fix means. it means to correct a defect. No matter how you try to gloss over … making it easier, helping, etc.
it is still fixing, especially when we are talking about surgeries.
This has to be one of the most inane discussions I’ve ever had.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
K.L. you are bunching me with others. That’s the problem since I am not using the word fix to bash people.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:28 pm
Jenny,
1) My deaf child received an CI to “fixed” her/his hearing problem.
2) My deaf child received a Cochlear Implant to improve his/her hearing ability.
Both of the examples above have the same meaning. Which of the two would be more acceptable to everyone especially to the parent of CI child?
It has nothing to do with which is more appropriate. It has to do with which is more comfortable/acceptable to everyone.
I know the word “fixed” is commonly use by the Deaf community. The reason being is basically they are uncomfortable with the idea of the hearing communities trying to fix us so we can be more like a hearing person. I completely understand that. However, we need to put our personal opinions aside and try to use a better choice of word for this situation. If we want to get the CI community to understand and accept ASL as part of the overall process when raising their deaf child, then we need to understand whatever concerns they may have as it goes both ways. CI is not going away ever and we need to remember and accept that. Our main intention is to make sure ASL is part of the process so if there is any set back in regards to CI which didn’t work out well on a particular deaf child then he/she would still have ASL to fall back on.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
K.L is 100% correct here. Deaf children being fitted with hearing aids, or implanted with CI for the sole purpose of “improving” the communication between them and the hearing world. The only time I wear my hearing aids is when I go to work as I am the only deaf employee working with hearring people. The main reasoon I wear them is to “ease” the communition between me and my co-workers. I do not wear them to be “fixed”!! I wear them to make my life in the hearing world easier.
We need to get away from the word “fixed”. I am not denial of my deafness at all. I am simply trying to make my life and commiunication in the hearing word easier and less stressful.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
OH MY GOD! It is 11,30 here in Italy and NOW I see this post. Mishka, I am so sorry, I need to be involved in this discussion, but I also need to go to bed.
I am a little surprised that you think I am taking issue with your choice in grammar and refuse to see the larger picture. I first heard the term “FIX” in Aidan’s post and YES, I TAKE OFFENSE TO THE TERM…I don’t consider heart surgery a fix. I consider dogs who get neutered or spayed – fixed. I consider cars – fixed. So if you’d like, you may correct my grammatical perceptions. But, I will take offense when people imply that I chose the cochlear implant because I felt something in my son was broken. There are a lot of insecure people lurking around here who attempt to make others responsible for their insecurities. I do not and will not accept those insecurities for myself or my son…and I will continue to object to the word “FIX” in the hope that only one person in the DEAF COMMUNITY will think twice before using it. I am not here to offend. I don’t know what or where comment number 1 thought I was offending older members of the Deaf community.
Elizabeth, you are an intelligent person, don’t hide behind grammar to avoid addressing the issue – parents do not see anything wrong that their child is deaf, the point is that ASL is no longer the only option in language choices for deaf children.
PS YOU JUST WROTE IT YOURSELF, in comment 47: It appears you are in denial what the word fix means. it means to correct a defect.
This is exactly my point – I see no defect in my son – you seem to think I see the defect – that is why it is offensive to me…now do you get it? Jodi going to bed now, will read first thing tomorrow morning.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
gosh…these are just words. It’s possible Jodi preferred not to use the word fix because it denotes negativity and she did not see C.I. as a negative aspect at all.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
*peers* I think this whole thing is a HUGE misunderstanding.
Surgerical procedures are done to fix a defect the majority of the time. The minority are done to *enhance* something. I don’t think we all can say CIs are enhancing.
January 29th, 2008 at 5:59 pm
Still awake…Miska, the definitions you have provided do not stand true with respect to what the cochlear implant alone does without auditory-verbal therapy. The fact that it takes a process to enable the ci to be effective, perhaps is the basis as to why I take objection to the word “fix.” If you take a Deaf individual who has never heard sound and implant them with a ci, this device will not “fix” his hearing. Therefore, the term “fix” is inappropriate in conjunction with how the cochlear implant works. Perhaps, this will help you understand that the word “fix” belittles the journey, if only it were as simple as a quick fix. Jodi
January 29th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
As a hearing parent of two children with bilateral CIs, I don’t think it’s the word so much as the phrase. I didn’t fix my children. The hair cells in their cochlea were missing and/or damaged, and so I gave them a prosthesis for them. In that sense, I “fixed” their hearing, although, as Jodi said, the CI alone didn’t do it. It took A-V therapy as well. My younger daughter had knock knees. She had surgery to correct them. We certainly fixed her knees. I guess I just don’t have a big objection to the words “fix” and “improve” as long as they are applied correctly. I love my children and wouldn’t change who they are as people at all, but if there is something wrong with them physically in the future that can be fixed or improved, we’ll fix it. Saying that in no way implies that I want to fix my children, which has a much more all encompassing meaning to me.
January 29th, 2008 at 6:14 pm
MZ,
Many readers on DR have read enough stories about how some in the deaf community call hearing parents’ decision to implant their deaf children as “fixing” the child’s deafness. That is, fixing something that is not broke, according to some Deaf. And these individuals have continued to bash hearing parents by using this accusatory argument over and over. It shows a lack of respect for parents who have gone thru a great deal of trouble to get information about deafness and the various ways to deal with it, who go thru much anguish and guilt and continue to do so, who are doing the best that they know how for their child out of love and concern, who are the ones who make a lot of sacrifices for that child, that they don’t need additional grief. Not especially from the deaf community, which should try to support whatever decision the parents make.
You very well knew that the word “fixed” is an incendiary word in the CI community. I agree with Steve Mutti that you could have written your article in such a way as to find a solution and mend fences with the CI community. But you didn’t.
I believe it’s “H-y-p-o-c-r-i-t-i-c-a-l” that you’re writing a CI series and claiming that you’re neutral or unbiased. Weasel excuses built on “you don’t know my stand on cochlear implants” or ” She screamed at me” or “I take issue with someone…for correcting my usage of a grammatically correct word” or “You don’t know me..”. What do you expect us to believe? You’re obviously showing a great deal of anger and self-defensiveness.
You’re a good writer, MZ, and your words can have a far more powerful impact if you can rise above the pettiness of “screaming”, demands for respect, and yes, the arrogance of other commenters, and strive for some harmony in the deaf community which also includes the CI kids and their parents.
January 29th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
Just tossing in my 2¢ here.. Instead of saying “fixed”, should we start saying “assimilated”?
Hearing parents, even my own, has called Deaf people “hearing impaired”.. So, it is okay for the hearing parents to tell the Deaf what the Deaf are allowed to be, what labels are “okay” according to hearing people, what the Deaf can or cannot do.. BUT it is not okay for the Deaf people to stand strong in their beliefs or opinions, have their own independence of thought and action, talk back or come up with their definitions?!?
God, those oppressing kind of hearing people need to f*ck off!
January 29th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Assimilate means that a group of people became absorbed into another culture from one that they came from. In the case of children implanted as babies, their is no assimilating. They are born into and remain in the hearing world.
January 29th, 2008 at 6:29 pm
I am a hearing mother that adopted a deaf child. I did not know she was deaf until we got her home. I love her just like I love my four other children. We are having cochlear implants done. I want her to be able to hear and yes I said the word hear, because the CI’s allow people to hear. We chose this because it was best for her in our family. I see nothing wrong with her, I just want to enhance her life in our family. God did make her the way he did. He also gave drs. the knowledge to make a device that can enhance a childs life the way implants do. I think I have learned one thing in a real big way by watching the deaf community and the hearing community. They just don’t get along. I hope my child will not be judgemental and attack. Jodi, you have had to take the blunt of this word debate, I am sorry you have been put in that position.
I am going to read a book about the deaf community so I can better understand why the deaf community act and sometimes attack the way they do. Can’t we all just get along?
January 29th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
Ouch.
It seems that “fix” is a sensitive word. Last week I told my daughter that I set up an appointment for her to see an optometrist and she asked why. I said that she might need glasses. She said oh glasses can fix bad eyesight? I said yup. I was not thinking about the meaning of it… until I saw this blog. Well, CI is to me just a hearing aid, nothing more. I don’t see it as “fix”… because at the end of the day the CI people still need to take them off to sleep anyway ;o). So CI is not a cure; just an assistance device to help people to hear.
January 29th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
Deleted. Inappropriate for this blog
You went over the line. Don’t bother commenting again in this post
January 29th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
Ann C, so you are saying I shouldn’t take offense if someone screamed at me? That I should be meek and conciliatory?
That’s the message I’m getting from you. You apparently know my life story and assume, again just like some of others..
that I must be against cochlear implants, and am deliberately using the word fix to feed the fire, etc….
You should go into the psychic business along with others. On the second hand, perhaps not, since you and others obviously won’t make a fortune this way
Alright. I rest my case.. people see whatever they want to see.
Funny how people complain about others judging them, yet they are quick to judge, not even knowing who I am.
*shaking head in disbelief*
All Jodi has to do is to contact me via e mail and clarify this issue without going public. Or discuss this rationally in her blog why ‘fixing’ is offensive to her.
Yet I see nobody holding her accountable for her flipping out and screaming at me. .
January 29th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
I would say that “fix” is an appropriate term for that instance.
See, that’s the goal of the medical professionals.
Although CI is not completely a cure (yet, anyway), it doesn’t stop the medical professionals from using those data to improve technology in order to “fix” the deafness.
CI is not the same thing as wearing glasses and hearing aids.
And, certain commenters above completely do not make sense but that’s okay. They are just being defensive. See, the term “fix” hit the nerve.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
I’ve read her blog 3 times. I still can’t find where she is screaming at you.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
Well, my hearing aid certainly did help fix my hearing since it helped me become a much better person than without. I wouldn’t be where I am today without it. And that’s a fact. So, I guess when it comes to “fixing” it can and does help make a better person.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:27 pm
K.L., capitalizing words is considering screaming.
Mike, that’s fine. I have no problem with that.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
I get that, but where is she screaming at you? I see her screaming in frustration in general, but not at anybody specific.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
Well, nothing new! “Fix” in Deaf culture is a part of the problem.
Many Deaf people who are in “close-minded” tend to think that the people with CI can “heal” with the sounds.
Healing will *never* be the same, life after they receive the CIs.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
K.L., I used the word ‘fix’ in my post
She had the link to that post.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure she isn’t happy with me for using the word ‘fix’. Then she came over here to tell me that herself.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Why didn’t you just e-mail her and work this out directly?
January 29th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Right, MZ. So, fixing can actually help improve a person substantially, even in kids.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
K.L., I did check her blog but didn’t find the e mail address there. Hence my blogging.
Now that she left her e mail addy here along with her comment, I’ve already sent her a private e mail.
Mike, why don’t you tell Jodi that? She apparently finds my use of the term fix unacceptable
January 29th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Mishka,
Cochlear implant are devices and I agree with Jodi and others that it is NOT a “fix”! It’s like a hearing aid and requires listening, practice, and therapy. I hate to see the deaf community would get confused with your negativity towards CI from your point of view. And for what? What is the point?
There’s nothing wrong with being deaf and guess what? There’s a pro on CI: They are deaf and can hear at the same time. It’s great to be able to “hear” and not to “hear”. Sleep peacefully at night. Take your device off when you need a break.
Try to say wow that is neat, or say that is great, that children who are/were born deaf have the chance to hear!!! What if it was a “hair cell regenration” instead of CI that actually grows hair cells to regain hearing? What would you say to that? If your child had a chance to hear would you say “NO” to that? I am very interested in what you have to say about that!
I support CI parents, they are brave enough to take on what needs to be taken care of. They are the ones that needs positive support. CI children are fine human kids! It’s the best for what we can offer for this generation.
Peace!
January 29th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
All I can say is for someone who seems to be trying to facilitate communication between the Deaf and hearing community, you sure didn’t help things with this blog.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Well, I am a human who doesn’t appreciate people yelling at her for no reason.
So sue me for being a human
January 29th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
I didn’t say you couldn’t stand up for yourself, I just said that there were other options that didn’t include making us all mad at each other.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Apparently you have no issue with her screaming at me, but are fine criticizing me for asserting myself.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:54 pm
I will leave that where it should be. Between the two of you. I do know that taking sides and slinging mud only makes it all worse.
January 29th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Thank you, K.L. I hope this will be resolved, too.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
MZ, there is a difference between using the word “fix” in quotes and without quotes. One without quotes suggest permanancy through correction (e.g. a cure) while in quotes in meant to be used for a lack of a better term. My 1st post I forgot to add in my quotes even though I said “fixing” as well. It’s never an overnight “fix” to be sure. It takes years and because of that, CIs help improve many lives, including kids and be better people. So, I’m glad that you agree that the word “fix” means to improve and that CI improves babies and kids’ hearing so that they become a much, much *better* person don’t you think?
January 29th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
I am writing to YOU K.L. Says:
January 29th, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Fixed implies that we see our children as broken. Fixed implies that their hearing will be “all better” after the implant. Fixed is a word that many Deaf people use to bash hearing parents over the head with.
Can you blame us for being just a bit sensitive about the word?
Excuse me, I have to disagree. I do support CI on children when a child is interested to have one.
I have to draw the line when parents proceed to put CI on a child who cannot communicate his/her wishes. For instances, a child that is 6 months old gets CI. I have to strongly object.
CI is great to enhance hearing and speech but bad for sports, bad for head trama, consquences are alot more than you think.
What if your child grows up and wants to play sports and want to particpate team at school but cannot?
How can you explain to a child who is angry at you for preventing his/her future in sports?
Its not fair to a child that is my opinion.
CI is to fix, value implant is to fix the heart, and so forth and it is always the same thing.
The word fix is correct and I am sorry you are being sensitive about this. So, get over with
I know Mishka well and she always keep neutral and provide insightful and valuable information and I enjoy reading her blogs.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:24 pm
Mike, don’t put words into my hands. I didn’t make these statements
January 29th, 2008 at 8:25 pm
CI does not prevent a child from participating in sports. Let’s get that myth out of the way.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
I’m deaf and I declined the offer of a cochlear implant even though I was the “ideal candidate” for one.
That said, I’m in full agreement with Lolypup. The anti-CI folks are being hypocrites with the terms “broken” and “fix”. They’ll use them when it suits them, but oppose them when it doesn’t. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
The CI issue is a personal one. The deaf community has no business telling parents how and how not to raise their deaf children. These parents are not being evil or malicious to their deaf children by getting them implanted. They are only doing what they think is best for their children, they love their children, they are not out to hurt them and they are not out to “strip the deaf community of its future members”.
Deaf children aren’t the deaf community’s children any more than white children are the white community’s children or Jewish children are the Jewish community’s children. These children are NOT your children, leave them alone to live their lives as THEY see fit…you have nothing to do with them.
Get off your high horses, you are not the savior of all deaf children simply because you are deaf. You have the freedom to raise your children in a manner you feel is best, let them have theirs.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:35 pm
I rest my case. People assume too much about me
January 29th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
That’s true. I’m expert snowboarder, swimmer and all. I have had the CI since 1996. Don’t even go there with the “prevents children with CI can’t play sports”!
They are able to hear what’s behind them and in front of them and all above and what’s the coach is saying in any sports!
January 29th, 2008 at 8:40 pm
Pilar (#73) says: “I hate to see the deaf community would get confused with your negativity towards CI from your point of view.”
Excuse me, I hate to break it to you, but the deaf community, in general, is already established its stance toward the medical mode that seeks to “FIX” the “deaf”. It’s only the outside deaf community that is trying to convince us to remove “FIX” from the vocabulary, and to embrace their views of us as lesser persons.
Besides, to other commenters, “FIX” is not only used in Deaf culture, but also in eugenics.
Okay, this is really getting out of hand. Boy, yes this term did strike the nerve! Good! Feel that!
January 29th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
MZ you were the one that attacked JODI. So you should fix the problem, why did you take her quotes and put it on your blog and talk about her?? That is what so confusing with your BLOG! I am not going to read your stuff anymore b/c one you are negative and and being really really rude not to just us but to yourself. Dishonest.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
I realize that the word, “fix” into the two different meanings.
“Correct the problem”
vs.
“fix the problem, repair the problem.”
If the doctor made a mistake for putting some thing into the patient’s wrong leg, so he had to fix and correct the problem.
In medical theory, “cure” is a part of the “fix.” To me it does make no sense. I consider the “fix” is a part of the word, “treat.”
For what you, Mishka said about a word, cure which is a part of a “fix” into the “fix” vocabulary. To me it does make no sense.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Pilar, read more carefully. She attacked me first, screaming at me in her blog. I didn’t even know what the problem is. There was no way for me to contact her as she didn’t leave her e mail addy in her blog.
Second, feel free to go elsewhere if you don’t like me asserting myself from an unprovoked attack.
WG, fix has different meanings. It may mean complete fixing (cure) or partial fix. The word itself is ambigious.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
I hope *NOT* I’ll be the second person that scream at you!
January 29th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
I agree, Mishka.
January 29th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Smile, WG you aren’t screaming at me. If there is ever a problem, I hope you will contact me first. My e mail addy is mishkazena@aol.com
January 29th, 2008 at 9:00 pm
I wonder since when I take off my cochlear implants each night….my “problem is not fixed.” I am still deaf. When I wake up in the morning I am still deaf. I don’t have a problem with the word “fixed.” I have a problem with a negative stand against CI children. These children are still children and if your goal is to keep them from the Deaf Community, you are winning. If your goal is to push CI adults like me from the Deaf Community, you are losing. I plan to stay and be a part of this Community. I am doing my share – I am learing ASL, what are you doing to welcome us?
January 29th, 2008 at 9:01 pm
MZ
I could not locate her “screaming” or “attacking” to you!
January 29th, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Valerie, that is exactly the problem. I am not against deaf people who have cochlear implants. I have few friends who have c.i.s. But people are assuming that I am against them, bunching me with other people who are anti c.i. I didn’t even know the word ‘fix’ is inflammatory.
Pilar, I suggest you read my earlier comment.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:07 pm
I did. And it does not make any sense at all. How did you get this????? On your site?
”COCHLEAR IMPLANTS ARE NOT A FREAKING WAY OF FIXING YOUR DEAF CHILD…CHOOSING TO OPERATE ON YOUR DEAF CHILD IS A PAINFUL DECISION FOR A PARENT TO MAKE, PAINFUL, BUT WORTH IT…AT LEAST FOR MY KID.” An American Mom in Tuscany: Jordan’s Cochlear Implant Story: Did the Lynched Parents Receive Adequate Support?
January 29th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Is that what she said “screamed” at you?
January 29th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Yes, on the Internet, capitalized words are considered screaming.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
want to clarify one thing…
people who are anti-CI are not against PEOPLE with CI’s. Those are two completely different things.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
HORRRRRRAYYY! I GOT COMMENT #100!
sorry, I just yelled.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
My son has a CI. He wasn’t born deaf, he lost his hearing sometime after he was born. We got the diagnosis that he was deaf when he was 17 mos. old. He legally is not responsible at that age to make decisions for himself. I, as his parent, am responsible to make decisions for him. All decisions. If he wants to acquire speech and function in a hearing world, which his entire family lives in, then we needed to get the CI as soon as possible before the opportunity of speech and language acquisition closed. I chose to implant him and he is doing remarkably well. He has made his decision, by wanting it on in the morning so he can hear and speak. If he ever decides that he doesn’t want to wear it, that’s fine too. I’ve tried to give him the choice further down the rode when the choice is his to make. I don’t consider it “fixing” even if the terminology is only meant as fixing his hearing, not “fixing” my deaf child. When the equipment comes off he is still deaf. I would never pretend that a person in a wheelchair is “fixed” because they are mobile and I don’t think that they would either. I wouldn’t compare a CI to lasik surgery either. Lasik surgery is a one-time thing and it’s over, no equipment that needs to be maintained, charged, or taken off. You can see period, no special equipment needed, no therapy, etc. It is fixed. Because of the equipment etc. CI’s don’t fix, they just give my son the ability to hear when it is on.
I love my son, for who he is as a person. I really don’t even think about the cochlear implant and sometimes forget that he even has it on. I’m so blessed to have such a charming, mischeivous, bright son. I’m thankful everyday that God gave him to me. As for the CI, I feel that it is God’s compassion for those who choose to utilize it. It’s no easy rode, but it is what works for our family.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:18 pm
HaHa, bren
KP, this leaves me feeling confused. I would call a surgery ‘fixing’. I can understand.. not fixing the child, but fixing his hearing, but you are saying cochlear implant isn’t fixing his hearing. I think cochlear implant is to help him hear, hence fixing.
We are discussing the semantics of the word.. apparently there are different ways of viewing the word “fix”.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Does a wheelchair “fix” the person in it?
January 29th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Wheelchairs don’t require surgeries. Cochlear implants involve surgical procedures.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Now I am really confused and don’t really understand how Jodi “screamed” at you. Still I think you hit the nerves of a lot of people here about the word “fix”.
Maybe you think she was screaming at you but I think not. She was expressing how she felt at the time and capitilizing her words are louder and clearer to see how painful it was to make that happen to make her son get the CI..To me I think you took advantage of her. I am CI adult and do not like what you have said in the past about CI’s..And I agree with Valerie. Please stop this weird thing about how we can make our deaf community the same as it was before. CI is a NEW thing!! Leave the kids alone and along with the CI parents too! Move on!
January 29th, 2008 at 9:25 pm
wow, wheelchair and CI are comparable?
OK, I’ll play… See, the wheelchair do not enable one to walk but to move around. It doesn’t require a surgery. and the medical establishments do not conduct researches with the wheelchairs themselves to find a cure.
want more?
Don’t give me orange and apple; then i’ll give out silly analogies.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
The person in the wheelchair most likely had surgery too, does the wheelchair fix them? No it’s an alternate way of being mobile.
Does the CI “fix” my sons hearing? No it’s an alternate way of hearing.
Just like a person can’t get around without their wheelchair my son can’t hear without his CI.
That’s not a fix.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Pilar, I see a lot of assumptions here. Do me a favor… don’t assume you know what I am thinking.. cuz you don’t. You have absolutely no clue and I don’t appreciate you implying that you do.
I am covering a series on cochlear implants and I’m sticking to my plan. Many people want me to cover it. Nobody is forcing you to read my blog. If you don’t like it, then why are you here?
January 29th, 2008 at 9:30 pm
KP-
See, that’s still different analogy.
A person can’t get around without their wheelchair, but deaf person can get around just fine without CI.
The wheelchair is necessary, but CI isn’t. If one is implanted, s/he still can thrive.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
could someone please enlighten me….I am feeling a bit confused.
1) what is the purpose of ears? If they do not work as intended…don’t they get the same opportunity as other body parts to be rebuilt?
2) what is the Deaf defination of Deaf, deaf, hearing impared, hard of hearing, or now cochlear implanted?
3) why can’t it be politically acceptable to “correct” a hearing level through surgery? My 13 y/o was able to get reconstructive surgery to correct a malformed ear and improved her hearing levels from a 50Db -80Db loss to a 30Db-50Db loss…it meant she did not need a hearing aide in middle school…isn’t that a good thing?
January 29th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
KP, no, wheelchairs don’t require surgeries in order for people to use them.
Again I think it is all semantics of the word itself. Even though cochlear implant is an ‘alternative’ way of hearing, it is still fixing because prior to the surgery, your son doesn’t hear at all.
I really don’t get it why people are upset with the word, fix. Honestly.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
Yes, they can. But how well do they thrive with their total family? For instance, my husband and I are more than willing to learn ASL and teach it to my child. But what about other family members, that are too old or just too stubborn to learn ASL? How will my son communicate with them and build a relationship with them? What about when he’s 16 and wants to talk about girls and other stuff with his cousins that are the same age. Do you think he wants his “mommy” there as the go-between? I don’t think so. He can thrive and get a job and make money but what about personal relationships with his “own” flesh and blood if they are all hearing and he is not? Will he thrive in that aspect or will he grow to hate his hearing family? What if I send him to a deaf residential school? What will our relationship be like? Why do so many deaf hate their parents and families? Was it because of lack of communication? There’s more to life than financial success and a great job. There’s still family.
January 29th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
So you could not answer the question about the “screaming” part?
And I understand that you are deaf. You are out there trying to do something about the CI’s. I was in the clinical trial for my CI. So I DO take this pretty seriously.
I can see that you are making something out of nothing. So I can’t see any reason why not see what you are up to. What is your goals? Many people want you to cover what? Cochlear implants companies? Or stories of CI’s?
January 29th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Forget the surgery part. Surgery is nothing, people get breast implants does that “fix” them. There are all kinds of surgeries out there, for everything. My son had the surgery and had the implant put in, but if he doesn’t have the processor, he still doesn’t hear. The surgery is not the issue. It’s whether it “fixed” him. It did not, the surgery made it possible for him to have an assistive device in listening.
January 29th, 2008 at 10:09 pm
People have been labeled us many terms and we, deaf, objected but were ignored. When we use the terms that is “offensively” to hearing people, we get scolded. Ha. What a double standard!
January 29th, 2008 at 10:23 pm
I don’t object to the terminology “hearing impaired.” Nor do I object to “hard of hearing,” or “deaf” or “Deaf.”
January 29th, 2008 at 10:36 pm
You guys have to be kidding me. I thought everyone knew by now that anything in capital letters is considered shouting.
Take a look at this website’s number one rule: http://www.learnthenet.com/english/html/09netiqt.htm
And here – you have to scroll down a bit but that rule is there as well: http://www.the-eggman.com/writings/etiquitte_1.html
You can find more by typing in net-etiquette in Google.
As for the wheelchair/CI thing – that’s one of the most silliest analogies I’ve ever seen. If a person does not understand that typing in all capitals is considered shouting, then clearly no matter what we’re going to say about the wheelchair analogy, they’re not gonna get it!
As for the fix situation, I really think this now has been blown out of proportion. People need to chill. And I’m gonna take my own advice and go chill now….
January 29th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
The problem is I am deaf and I can’t understand for the life of me, why others are so hung up on the fact that I have CIs. I spent 27+ years with HA and not once did anyone want to tell me I am responsible for the distroying a culture. I spend 5 years making a choice on CIs not a problem. I have surgery and activation not a problem. I seek out the Deaf Community and now problems.
I hear this comment, I have no problem about adults with CIs, but children. If you have problems with children with CIs, you have problem with adults with CIs. Remember something, these wonderful children – HOH, deaf, CI will grow up, what kind of community do you want them to be left with? Bashing will not enrich the Community it will trash it, destroy it, and finally it will disappear. That is not what I want, bridge the Community and accept, enrich, and empower children and adults.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
I’m sitting here, once again, stunned at the level of nastiness and hatred being spouted online. And over what? Complete and utter nonesense.
One of the first things I noticed is that way back up in Comment 39 Mishka said, “Oh, because I am deaf, I shouldn’t object to how a hearing person treats me, that is it?” That right there raises a red flag for me.
Mishka and I had a misunderstanding/disagreement about a week ago. She was annoyed that I posted about it online and sent me several emails telling me so. We straightened it out, or so I think we did. But now, her disagreement with Jodi was taken to the blogwaves with a vengeance and an incredible display of defensiveness.
Jodi is a passionate blogger. Anyone who reads her American Mom in Tuscany blog knows this from any one of her posts. She has an incredible, rich voice and blogs with great emotion. Her use of capital letters was her way of showing her indignation at being told her parental choice to enable her deaf son to hear with a cochlear implant was a “fix” as if she had a poor, broken, defective child. Any parent who has chosen this path is going to react the same way toward this terminology.
Mishka, for someone who professes to be “unbiased” and is interested in “showing all sides of the cochlear implant issue” you have an uncanny knack for dividing the communities of deaf and hearing people who have a connection to hearing loss (either themselves or a relative). Perhaps there are deep rooted issues and experiences in your background that provoked you to react to Jodi’s blog post in the manner you did. We, the readers, have no way of knowing exactly where this anger came from. And from all the vengeance and nastiness I have seen here in the comments of this post, I don’t have an interest in learning more.
All I can say, is that this is not a productive use of time or blog airwaves. If a blogger’s goal is to build up credibility and readership, this is NOT the way to do it.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:01 pm
Hear, hear, Valerie!
Literally so.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
“Mike, don’t put words into my hands. I didn’t make these statements.”
I wasn’t. I asked you a question though you did say that “improve” is the same thing as “fix” when it comes to improving their hearing. No?
But then again, what is exactly your statement, then? What is your position regarding CI, children and parents? Might want to clarify your stance once and for all so we don’t have to “guess” where you stand (although I imagine a few people here might be right on target..so I don’t know).
January 29th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
I came across this blog while reading the post in my e-mail. I am a 22 year old bilateral cochlear implant recipient. From my understanding most of you are parents of CI/deaf/hearing impaired children. I hate to see so much negativity and thought I would give my perspective on the topic. I am not here to say I dont agree or disagree with anyone, but the term that I personally like to use is “enable” when it comes to my CI’s.
en·a·ble:
1. to make able; give power, means, competence, or ability to; authorize
“The cochlear implant has enabled me to hear.”
For me personally enable is a much nicer term than fixed.
January 29th, 2008 at 11:34 pm
valerie-
i will repeat once again and then no more.
the deaf community is NOT against PEOPLE (children and adults) with CI!
UNDERSTAND?
it’s really the issue of how the medical mode is using CI as one of ways to study and improve technology in order to FIX the “deaf”.
the deaf community is AGAINST the notion that deaf people WITHOUT CI:
-cannot thrive
-do NOT have opportunities
-are not normal
-etc, etc, etc
Valerie, do you personally view deaf people who do not have CI and do not speak to be at least one of above? If no, then great! Yet, I have seen other blogs that suggested those to be true.
So, the parents’ fear of those above would be true for their children led them to make difficult decision to implant them. That’s the “perception” that the deaf community is against.
January 30th, 2008 at 12:07 am
125 entries on a single blog and over the word “fix”? Yowzie.
Really. Apparently “fix” can be used about anything and anybody, as in “fixing a broken arm”, but never about a child and especially not within his/her parent’s ken. (i.e. my child is perfect and anybody who says “fix him” has a fight on their hands).
Let’s just move on and avoid targeting persons when we disagree on things.
January 30th, 2008 at 12:10 am
Paula has validated what I’ve said in an earlier comment.
“We, the readers, have no way of knowing where exactly this (your) anger is coming from.” Her words, not mine.
I said, ” What do you expect us to believe? You’re showing a great deal of anger and self-defensiveness.”
And McConnell, among some other commenters here, are wondering too where do you stand according to the CI issue.
Perhaps you can enlighten us, MZ.
January 30th, 2008 at 12:40 am
[...] wide open when Mishka decided to defend herself and her choice of words publicly on her blog in the What’s the Problem with “Fix?” post. More than 120 comments were posted on this discussion with folks hashing out the use of the [...]
January 30th, 2008 at 12:47 am
Okay, I’ve read all these posts. For full disclosure I have to say two things: I am a hearing parent of one deaf child, and one hard of hearing child (profoundly deaf in one ear only), and one asthma suffering, hearing child; I made a perfect score on the verbal portion of the SAT “back in the day.”
For White Ghost: My family’s attitude towards the CI is that, in fact, it is very like a hearing aid or glasses. My children have progressive hearing loss. When hearing aids no longer helped (maybe that’s a better word to use than fixed?) my son, we had no other medical choice than the CI. Do I wish we could have offered him a device that did not involve surgery? Absolutely! But this is where we are in medicine and technology at the time that he needs/wants it. Furthermore, the CI “helps” my son to hear well enough to communicate independently and easily in his community, but it did not and does not restore (or fix, or cure) his hearing back to “normal”. He does not hear like I do, even with his CI, and he is a remarkable and successful CI user. He is still deaf, and he uses the CI like he used to use his hearing aids; like I use my glasses – to improve the function of one of the senses.
For Deb M: My son with the CI has participated in the following sports since first being implanted at the age of 8 yrs and 8 months (he is now 16.5 yrs)- soccer, tennis, basketball, and track. If anything, he has been able to participate more successfully because he can understand his teammates and coach more easily. He also swims, but does not wear his external processor as it is not waterproof, and thus cannot hear while swimming.
For MZ: So perhaps you’re wondering what the heck my perfect score on the verbal portion of the SAT has to do with anything? I appreciate what you were trying to illustrate with your definitions and your synonyms, however your argument forgot one very important aspect of any language. Connotation. Most words have certain connotations associated with them which might make one word a better choice than another with a similar meaning. So while a particular word may seem appropriate based on its definition, one has to consider its connotation, or underlining meaning according to usage. I respect your feelings despite not knowing you, and if you felt Jodi was yelling at you and you took offense, then I can respect that. However, instead of taking a hard line with the word fix, you could have said, “There is no need to yell at me. It is rude and inappropriate, and I find it offensive. I did not mean what you thought I meant.” I think everyone could have understood that and would have been supportive.
When my son was very small, I used to worry about his self-esteem and that he would feel different from the rest of his family and community. So his dad and I talked with him a lot about how he was just the way God made him, and how everyone has something different about them, but his was more obvious than some others. We introduced him to other deaf people, both those with and without hearing aids; both ASL users and oral English users. When he was 6 yrs old, I was checking in with the state of his mind and his heart and I asked him, “Is it good or bad being deaf?” He looked right up at me and said, “It isn’t good OR bad. It just IS.” That was a mouthful for a child who couldn’t speak at all at the age of 4. And what wisdom.
We always made sure he knew what choices were available to him: SEE, ASL, cued speech, oral English, etc. We had him take ASL lessons in the Second Grade because he had a friend who was an ASL user, and my stubborn, independent-minded boy did NOT like having an interpreter around. He changed schools after that and didn’t know anyone who used sign, and it faded away. His dad and I have offered numerous times to take sign language classes with him, which he hasn’t been interested in to date. It’s not relevant since he doesn’t have any other family members or friends who don’t speak English. He has, however, taken 4 years of French, which he absolutely loves. He especially loves certain aspects of French culture, mostly the ones involving food. (smile)
I asked him when he was about 9.5 yrs old what he thought the difference was between his choices and some of the other ways that deaf people choose to live and communicate. He said, “Well I certainly don’t think I’m better, but I sure think I have it easier.” That was his perspective after having lived his life thus far, having received the CI at that point, and having been exposed to a range of deaf people. Is he wrong? How can his opinion of himself be wrong? It may or may not be factual, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s wrong to feel the way he does. And that easier part he mentioned? That was always our purpose in providing him with speech and auditory-verbal therapy, and with hearing aids and then a CI. I didn’t want to change or fix him – I wanted his life to be a little bit easier. What parent doesn’t want that for his/her child?
I would never tell a deaf/Deaf parent how to rear his or her child, whether that child was hearing or deaf. I think most hearing parents become defensive when they are told what they should or shouldn’t do with their deaf child. As parents, we all do the best that we can with the child or children with whom we’ve been blessed. In my experience, hearing parents with deaf children are overwhelmed with criticism (your child should sign! your child should speak! cued speech is best! AVT is best! ASL is best! mainstream classroom! self-contained total communication! school for the deaf! you’re wrong! you’re committing child abuse! he should be with his “own kind”!) when all they are trying to do is respond to an individual’s needs and personal inclinations. And yes, I was told each and every one of those parenthetical comments above. From speaking with other parents, I know that I am not alone in receiving these comments and type of treatment.
90% of all deaf children are born to hearing parents. That’s a fact. Each of us needs to do what is best for our particular situation, just like most parents do for their children (hopefully), whether deaf or not. I have never understood the controversy. After all, I would never suggest that a deaf parent shouldn’t teach his hearing child to sign. And I certainly would never suggest that his child belonged to a culture outside of his family. And I couldn’t imagine telling a parent to send his child to a residential school for the hearing, away from his family, so he could be with his “own kind”.
With regards to implanting an infant, or young toddler: This was a choice I did not have the opportunity to make. Perhaps I am glad. I’ve already received enough criticism as it is. But for those who think it is cruel for the parent to make the choice for the child, we need to go back to what most parents want: for their children’s lives to be a little bit easier. There are numerous studies that show that language acquisition occurs most readily between the ages of 0-2 years. Consequently, the earlier a child is implanted, the EASIER it is for them to be helped by the device and appropriate therapy. My son has suffered some setbacks in his CI usage. He has had two failures, resulting in explantation/reimplantation surgeries. He is currently on his third implant in less than 8 years. I’ve left it up to him as to whether he wants to put himself through the surgery again. His answer has always been yes, without hesitation. I’ve asked him, with his device failures, if he has any regrets. While he acknowledges that having to replace his implants isn’t fun, his only regret is not getting the CI sooner, because it made his life so much easier than before. Its ability to deliver sound across all frequencies is so superior to a hearing aid. He could detect and interpret sounds that he’d never known existed with his high powered, digital hearing aids. For him, it’s been the right choice.
I’m sorry this is so long. And please be assured that all of my comments were meant in the most respectful, gentle way possible.
Peace.
January 30th, 2008 at 12:53 am
Mishka,
So you’re saying in statement #96 that you read Jodi’s blog and where she screamed about the term “fix”. You didn’t realize how inflammatory it was and you felt she was screaming directly at you, which in turn hurt your feelings, because you were NOT using the term “fix” in a negative way.
May I suggest that the word “fix” was used correctly from your perspective, but could also come across as inflammatory in an blog. It’s not that “fix” is the wrong word choice exactly, but I agree believe there may be better choices. However, you did not know this since no one mentioned it to you before.
You did not mean to insult anyone. When you blogged, you were angry about the adoptive parents who gave up the Deaf girl, right? The anger showed through, and perhaps your words were misinterpreted, then reacted to by Jodi who screamed about the term FIX.
Now we’re all debating the many meanings of FIX and whether there might be better words to describe the functionality of a CI.
Jodi took it personally because she has been receiving alot of nasty anonymous mail about being a horrible parent. OK? I don’t think she was screaming at you. She said she didn’t mean to seem like she was screaming. Honestly why would she single you out? You arent’ the only person who has used that term?
I really think this is all a BIG misunderstanding– NOT because you’re Deaf. You have a great command of English! You know that! No– it’s because of the nature of blogs and blogging. You can’t see each other’s faces–OK??
I hope everyone has a better day tomorrow. Get some rest. Good night, sweet dreams and hugs– OK?
January 30th, 2008 at 1:02 am
McConnell– I HATE, HATE, HATE the term hearing-impaired. Yes–I’m screaming! I do not understand the need for the term Hard-of-hearing. It makes no sense. Either you hear well or you don’t. It’s like blindness. Either you see or you don’t. If you don’t see, you’re blind. Since we do not have the ability to give perfect correction to people “blurry hearing” like we can with blurry eyesight, I consider all people with hearing loss somewhat deaf because they all struggle with challenges in various situations. Hard-of-hearing is simply a divisive term used to help facilitate denial of deafness in my opinion.
That said, I don’t usually go around lecturing people about labels. I do cringe inwardly when someone says the word hearing-impaired.
January 30th, 2008 at 1:16 am
kim -
I’ve always used the word hearing impaired, and upon occasion, hard of hearing, for my daughter, who has a unilateral hearing loss. Yes, she uses a hearing aid, but can get by without one in many situations because of the normal hearing in her other ear. Is she deaf? Well, she still has normal hearing in one ear and doesn’t have nearly the challenges and/or auditory difficulties my son has/has had. Is she hearing? Well, she is profoundly deaf in one ear, with only a small benefit from her hearing aid (only sound location, not speech detection) and it can definitely impact her ability to hear and understand depending on which direction she’s facing, or from where the sound is emanating.
I’m sorry you HATE HATE HATW the terms hearing impaired and hard of hearing (and I’m not being sarcastic, I’m being sincere), but what do you suggest I call my daughter who is neither deaf, nor hearing?
And I can’t tell which child is mine if they are more than 15 – 20 ft from me without my glasses, but I wouldn’t consider myself blind. I don’t see well, but I’m not blind. Am I visually impaired? Technically I guess I’m sighted, but NO ONE wants me to drive without my glasses, that’s for darn sure! (smile)
January 30th, 2008 at 1:17 am
sorry for the typo – correction: HATE
January 30th, 2008 at 1:19 am
Paula, you need to understand that there is a long history of paternalism on the part of hearing persons towards the deaf, and I think it was this paternalistic attitude that set Mishka Zena off. First it was the yelling, then the ridiculous over-reaction regarding the use of the term “fixed”. Her blog-post was not intended to be part of her ongoing series about cochlear imp-lants, so you shouldn’t have conflated that post with the others. In that post she described parents who certainly did seem to think their adopted child was “broken” and when they discovered the problem was beyond “fixing”, they dumped her.
I think you are out of line in trying to psychoanalyze Mishka Zena. I don’t think you can appreciate the feelings of those who grew up indoctrinated with the attitude that hearing people are always right, the deaf must conform to their expectations.
I’m sure MZ is sincere in attempting to bring underatanding between factins of the deaf community, and between the deaf and hearing. It’s no easy path, and made that much moe difficult when people over-react and launch acrimonious debates over semantics.
January 30th, 2008 at 1:35 am
I don’t view CI as fixing the deafness. It is just a tool to help deaf children hear like hearing aids. The only drawback of CI is required surgery but it is a minor surgery that is safe enough for most children.
CI children are always deaf when they take off CI just like hearing aids. So it is not considered a fix or cure. Also, CI requires intensive therapy during the first year or few first years after receiving CI depending on the age of implantation. CI is a lot similar to hearing aids except that it is much more advanced and requires a minor surgery. CI does enhance deaf children’s quality of life enabling them to hear all the environmental sounds and spoken language. Hearing aids are the same way for those who benefit from the aids.
Hope that helps!
Deaf Parent of CI kid
January 30th, 2008 at 1:43 am
Mishka,
I DID NOT realize that you took my words as an attack on you. First of all, when I put words in all caps it’s not to scream, it’s to make them bolder. I have no reason to scream at anyone, especially you, you left the nicest congratulations message about the book the other day. What in my behavior towards you could have ever made you think I was screaming??? I cited your post there because it was relevant to the adopted parents aspect of the post and you had blogged about that AND reused the word Fixed that drives me crazy for all of the above reasons. What in my past blogging behavior would have ever caused you to think that I was personally attacking you? That post had nothing to do with you, it was about looking at the parents’ choice to give back their deaf baby and yes, the kicker here and the point of that comment I made was that this family gave back their deaf child, and the Deaf Community reacts as a collective. I chose to implant my son and the Deaf Community considers that I am trying to “fix” something that is broken…way to easy to vilify instead of comprehend. You were just another member to use the word…why did you take it so personally? Jodi
January 30th, 2008 at 1:48 am
Kim,
I would just like to clarify one thing about what you said…I have received NO nasty anonymous mail from anyone, I’ve only received intelligent, passionate responses. I just want to clarify that Mishka was nowhere in my mind as Mishka when I posted that last paragraph, it was all about the word. Jodi
January 30th, 2008 at 2:01 am
A Deaf Pundit,
I did not know that all caps indicated shouting…I was emphasizing, not shouting, and certainly not at Mishka personally…still learning about this bloggin’ stuff, can’t even download a damn picture of my kid from my computer, blogger won’t let me. Have to go to work, I have twenty minutes at about 1 o’clock, I’ll try to write more or blog…Jodi
January 30th, 2008 at 2:30 am
Thanks Jodi– I know you’ve received anonymous messages from Deaf people in the past criticizing your choice to implant? Or wasn’t that you? I thought maybe you were reacting to that. . .I know I would. Doesn’t matter.
You’ve explained you didn’t know about the caps indicating ‘screaming’ You were only emphasizing, not screaming, and you were not directing your message at Mishka.
Mishka explained she didn’t realize FIX was such an offensive word and she didn’t mean to upset you so much.
As I said, I do believe this was only a misunderstanding that somehow got out of hand. Mishka has been through a lot today.
I’m going to bed now. Have a great afternoon.
January 30th, 2008 at 4:03 am
Kim,
I see it this way. It’s the limiting condition a person has, not about the person himself. We have vision impaired, mobility impaired, hearing impaired, mentally impaired, dual-sensory impaired, physically impaired, emotionally impaired and so on.
Dave,
We still don’t know where MZ stands about CI, children/babies, and their parents. It’d be nice if she clarifies her position once and for all. And get over with it instead of it being a guessing game.
January 30th, 2008 at 5:08 am
Me, Johnny, is going to tell you all the truth- to KL, Steven Mutti, and the CI parents:
FIX is the proper word. Because, the truth is, there are some parents that HAVE no inkling of what Deaf culture represents, and we don’t need them to dictate to us what Deaf culture is, and we don’t need them to fix us!
The hearing world’s viewpoint is totally a 360 degree turn from the Deaf world’s viewpoint.
So why can’t anybody get it? We don’t aim to change you, but please don’t change us.
The word is FIX. Period. It’s like having my teeth fixed so I can look better.
We can co-exist, you can use your own terms and we can use our own terms. We don’t have to be SO POLITICALLY CORRECT all the time. Where is the flexibility here?
I like Brenster’s comment #124.
Oh by the way, I don’t like it when Deaf people become experiments in a study by hearing professionals who create CIs. We are logged regularly study after study, seriously. In classrooms we are gawked at. Doctors show drawings where a drill can make an entry to med students. I mean, I am lucky I wasn’t alive during the Mengele experiments.
We are not Guinea Pigs, either. Maybe that’s why we feel people try to fix us because before we have been fixed, there have been Guinea pigs experimented on.
Addressing Steve Mutti here: His quote- “All I am interesting in is getting the CI community and the Deaf community to work more closely together and have a better understanding of each other community.”
My response:
The CI community and the Deaf community can start by accepting each of our views and term usages. We cannot force one another to become politically correct. This is not like the white and black racial communities, where it is more urgent to be politically correct. It is not about race. That is a different situation.
But the hearing and Deaf communities and the CI communities, we have experienced audism and will term it as “FIXING us” because, in audism, those involved feel they know what is best for us. Some of us who have been approached about getting a CI, we knew that we have already accepted who we are, and feel that was the way God made us. But in audism, people couldn’t care less, they just keep trying to fix us to no end and classify us as being unable to thrive in the hearing world just because we cannot hear, speak, or read lips. They claim they feel it is best for us. Why do parents have their children get CI’s? Because, they feel their children is better off that way.
Which is bullocks.
January 30th, 2008 at 6:31 am
I would love to be able to immerse my son with other deaf people; however, I don’t live in an area where there are a lot of deaf people, the deaf community is over two hours away. I’m also afraid to reach out, because of some of the militant anti-CI deaf people. I am afraid they will call me a Nazi and tell me that I should hang for my choices with my son. I am afraid that they will make comments such as my son is a robot, has a hole in his head, a chip in his brain, can’t play sports, can’t get on a plane, can’t go swimming, in front of him and none of those things are true and would hurt him as well. I don’t want to willingly put myself and my son out there to be lashed at. I realize that not all deaf people think this way and will not act unkind to us, but it is the ones who will that deter me from even reaching out. I had someone berate me for choosing to implant my son, told me that I should send him to the residential deaf school two hours away. What? I can’t do that, God gave him to me, I want him with me. Is it selfish, yes it is. I want him to live with me, I want to talk to him about school everyday, help him with his homework, attend sport activities with him, I want to pray with him, read to him, play with him. I want to be with my son. I don’t want to send him away 5 days a week and see him on weekends and holidays. I want him to go to the same school as my daughter and his cousins. I want him to be able to go to our church’s youth activities. I want him to have the same opportunities as my daughter even though he is deaf; which is growing up with us, his family. I don’t want him to think that I was ashamed of his deafness and sent him away to live with the deaf. If the CI can make it possible for him to stay with me and it works for our family why can’t people embrace my decision for my child? Why can’t they accept it and say, “Well, that certainly isn’t what I would have chosen but I’m glad that it works for their family” and be kind and teach us about the deaf culture. If the anti-CI militants spout hate what’s going to make my son want to join the deaf community? Why can’t he be a bridge between the deaf and hearing? My son will most likely be ostracized by some hearing people as well because he is deaf and has an implant. They just won’t get it, he’s different and that will be enough for them to make fun of him.
As a mother; and any mother, deaf or hearing will know exactly what I’m talking about here, I can work up enough things to feel guilty over, to feel bad about, to make me feel like a bad mother. I don’t need someone pointing a finger at me and telling me how bad I am for just wanting to give my son the best opportunity to be with me and his family and enjoy the same opportunities as my hearing child. Every single person has been made fun of and kicked for one reason or another, people can be cruel, but that is all the more reason we should be kind and embrace one another. Because we all know how it feels and we all just want to be accepted for who we are.
So in all of that, if you want to say “fix” then by all means go ahead. But I do not agree, if my son’s hearing was “fixed” he would be able to hear with no processors or AVT. He would have come out of the surgery and said, “Hey mom, I can hear and I love you too.” But he didn’t. I had to wait until he got his assistive listening device, the processor and coil. Now I’m enjoying watching him get caught up in speech and language, hearing him come up with new words, being able to tell me hurt and hot, but by no means has his hearing been “fixed”.
January 30th, 2008 at 8:04 am
Diane, I enjoyed reading your comment.
It reflects my stance on CI, communication modes, child’s awareness of his/herself, parents’ awareness and acceptance of child (no wonder your son is beyond his years in wisdom… thanks to your whole acceptance of him… beautiful!),etc.
January 30th, 2008 at 8:10 am
John Crister, I have to respectfully disagree with you. CI people are PART of deaf community. It is Deaf Culture that CI people has wariness of and with good reason. There are “niches” in the community and CI has its own niche, same as cued speech niche, etc…. but they all make up deaf community.
Fix is in the “gray” area as far as many of us are concerned and like Diane said, we have to respect the people’s definition of “fix”.
January 30th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Yep, Karen. “Fix” is in the grey area. Besides, “fixing us” signifies an ownership over all others. No one owns anyone when it comes to deaf and hh people, John.
January 30th, 2008 at 9:27 am
Karen M, I respectfully disagree. John Critser was not talking about rejecting CI people. His comments focused on hearing people trying to fix Deaf people over and over in many different ways.
I’m getting tired of people discussing a concept and getting criticized for rejecting CI Deaf people. That’s not what is happening here. it looks like the vast majority of commenters here and elsewhere who express concerns about implants are questioning the need for the surgery, yet not judging/rejecting Deaf people who have implants. They are two separate topics. It IS possible to do both. I personally think implants are an extreme length to go to, but I would never make someone with implants, whether self-chosen or parent-chosen, feel unwelcome or different, period.
People who confuse the two topics, I am BEGGING you to stop accusing us of rejection when we haven’t SAID or DONE that.
January 30th, 2008 at 9:48 am
Hi yall,
I want to comment on KL’s post #22 knowing that i am very behind. I wanted to say that you stated you are with Lolypup and Paotie which is fine; however, what you said about MZ slapping people, eh? That does not make any sense.
And MZ is correct when she said that you don’t know her. You say that you assume from MZ’s posts that described who she is. I disagree with you. You really do not know MZ at all. MZ is doing something out of extreme bravery by bringing up CI series. All MZ wants to do is to gather both camps’ information and try to hash things out and hopefully meet half way in harmony. That is all what MZ wants to do. She is NOT out to be biased; she wants to be neutral.
MZ: forgive me if I am speaking for you. I cant resist speaking up in your behalf.
January 30th, 2008 at 9:49 am
KP, very very very well said. I defiently feel because I have made the decision to implant my 12 month old because it is the best thing for her and our family, that the deaf community has lashed out at us. They have been mean, and totally disrespectful. Why would I want my daughter to be a part of that?? I hope she won’t.
I am SO glad she will be implanted. I am so not ashamed to say it. I am glad she will have something to help her hear. She is the best thing that has happened in our family, and I am glad that God made her especially for us. If she had been left in Guatemala, well, who knows what would have happened. I could tell you how deaf people are treated there…..but that would cause a bucket of worms to be opened. So, I will leave it to you imagination. I just wish that everyone could accept others for the decisions they make for their family. It does NOT change the person that lies beneath the layers of skin and bone!
January 30th, 2008 at 9:55 am
I, myself, don’t like Jodi at all. She is like a snake with two tongues.
January 30th, 2008 at 9:56 am
There aren’t enough comments here. Please, someone, write some comments!
January 30th, 2008 at 10:24 am
Oh, for the love of Mike. wow, comments like yours are very discouraging and disheartening for those of us who are trying to build bridges. I’m so fed up and thoroughly sick and tired of being judged based on either:
A few people who reject implanted people
Or
The process of questioning implants being interpreted to mean a blanket rejection.
I want it clear to everyone that most of us do not reject people based on implantation, even if some of us question the need. Many of us want to build bridges.
G-ad.
January 30th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Oh, for the love of Mike. wow, comments like yours are very discouraging and disheartening for those of us who are trying to build bridges (regarding the part about not wanting your child to be part of the community). I’m so fed up and thoroughly sick and tired of being judged based on either:
A few people who reject implanted people
Or
The process of questioning implants being interpreted to mean a blanket rejection.
I want it clear to everyone that most of us do not reject people based on implantation, even if some of us question the need. Many of us want to build bridges.
G-ad. Yes, I’m frustrated.
January 30th, 2008 at 11:00 am
Sharon…
Geeze…a snake with two tongues…whoa! Please clarify??? Thanks, Jodi
January 30th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Deb M/John Critter: “Fixed” “Enhance” “Improve”. They all can be used when decribing the situation where a deaf child received an CI. Why go with the word that the CI community is not comfortable with? Why you so intent on staying with the word “Fixed”?
The Deaf community is trying to promote the idea that learning ASL should be part of the overall process when the deaf child is receiving an CI. Right now the CI community is not fully receptive of this idea. If we want them to respect our culture/langauage, then we should also respect their intention of why they implanted their child which is to “improve” or enhance their hearing ability!!
As I explained earlier in this post, Deaf people who tends to use the word “Fixed” when decribing the above situation, it is simply because they are against the idea of this procedure. Let me ask you a question, I was fitted with a hearing aid at the age of 3, does this mean I was “fixed”?
My answer is no, it simply improve my hearing ability for the sole purpose of making my communication with the hearing world that much easier. We all don’t have the luxury of having an interpreter with us 24 hours a day as the woRld doesn’t work that way. I wish it did but it doesn’t.
If changing our attitudes and gaining a beter undrstanding of the CI community intentions on why they implant their child lead them to fully accept idea of learning ASL as well then I will change in a heartbeat. Our future deaf children are way more important than sticking to what we think is the right word for implanted the deaf child and why we think it is wrong. Deaf babies wil continue to received CI because there has been many successful outcome. Promoting ASL is a safe outlet in case the outcome is not successful as well as bridging the two communities closer to each other.
January 30th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
I am a father of a Deaf little girl. She is just turning three next month. She is Bi-lateral and she now speaks over 150 words and Signs over 100 signs. Having her get the surgeries was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
I am so proud of her progress. She goes to speach 3 times a week, and has a 2 hour sign language lesson once a week. She works harder and longer with communication than any 2 year old I have ever seen. My wife works countless hours with both speech and sign with her. Every day is hard work and chalenges or family.
I have taken two ASL classes and still find my self feeling lost between two worlds. But I am trying my best. I realize the Deaf community has struggled long and hard and is still struggling to keep the Culture they have worked so hard for, and they feel threatened by this new Generation of CI kids. The only way both sides will come closer together is to open up and become better informed on where each side is coming from. I know I understand (some what) where the Deaf view is coming from because of their history. I believe more Parents of CI kids should take a Deaf Culture class to open their eyes so they can understand where the Deaf are coming from. At the same time. I believe the Deaf community should be more open to the CI and supportive. I will admit. This will not happen over night, or will it be easy.
I just think, both sides should stand back and open their eyes and put themselves in eachothers position.
January 30th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
KP,
I wanted to reply to your 113′s comment. I guess i should begin with my own experience growing up in a hearing family. I call the ability of lip-reading a talent as some deaf cannot lipread as well as I can. It really depends on a child’s abilities, intelligence, personality, etc. I was born before the CI came out and was raised as an oral deaf up til i was 18. Even though i was able to communicate with my family, there were many misunderstandings. My parents only knew what they wanted to know, no more than that except send me to schools with self-contained classes up til I was in 6th grade then i was alone for 4 years (meaning the only deaf) until high school without interpreters. Dont ask how i got through but i became an avid reader as an escape. If CI was around I betcha my mother would opt for that! She wanted me to be “hearing” which is an impossible feat for a deaf kid inspite of my trying to be “hearing” myself.
my point is you opted for CI for your child and he is very successful and thriving with your help. I think that is great! The word “fix” is obviously a very sensitive word which surprises a lot of people on the post. I find that very interesting. I, for myself, have pet peeves as well.
as I have mentioned before a few times that it is important that a child with CI be able to embrace the fact that he is deaf. It is important that he knows a deaf culture is out there. Not EVERYONE is anti CI! I mean come on! I learned ASL at a late age, 18, and it was my choice and the deaf identity is extremely important for many of us Deafies.
im going off the point here, I feel parents should be open to embracing the deaf culture so there wont be any “hatred” as you mentioned
“Why do so many deaf hate their parents and families? Was it because of lack of communication?”
This stems, unfortunately, from hearing parents who refuse to acknowledge the deaf identity. Please note that many of us were born way before your child and it is a different time. There are so many types of parents who may be ignorant. My own mother with whom i cannot get along with, just does not have the ability to put herself into my shoes and imagine what it is like to be deaf. I suppose that is not her fault not being able to do what I need from her. I cant spend rest of my life hating her for that and I don’t but i did for awhile. I think all children go through a phase where they simply hate their parents for whatever the issue may be. My own children went through a phase but now they are young adults and they are in a much better place in life. They are hearing and I am Deaf.They are much more sensitive to my needs than my own mother because I raised them to be open and honest and vice versa.
I think im done here. I wonder if we can move on with the “fix” issue … let us agree to disagree and move on? Obviously the word “fix” is very sensitive to all of us. Some deaf people hate that word cuz they try to fix us while hearing parents of CI kids feel offended. It goes both ways, in my opinion.
This is an eye opener for everyone involved with this post. I am sure we all agree that we need to move on and be more sensitive.
January 30th, 2008 at 2:03 pm
P.S.
oops i forgot to add one more thing, I often hang out with my parents, brother and his family even though all of them are hearing.
January 30th, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Addressed directly to KP:
Here is your quote: “I’m also afraid to reach out, because of some of the militant anti-CI deaf people. I am afraid they will call me a Nazi and tell me that I should hang for my choices with my son. I am afraid that they will make comments such as my son is a robot, has a hole in his head, a chip in his brain, can’t play sports, can’t get on a plane, can’t go swimming, in front of him and none of those things are true and would hurt him as well.”
KP: This quote is so off base and inaccurate when it comes to describing us in the Deaf community. It really upsets me that you think Deaf people will call CI parents Nazis. Granted I made the comment about being experimented on, it is true we do not like the feeling of being Guinea pigs. We have the RIGHT to express how we feel. Your response makes us feel we have no right to express how we feel, and that if we DO express how we feel, then we NOW become termed as MILITANT.
KP, I feel that is subliminal intimidation to Deaf community members, because if we express how we feel, that automatically makes us militant and calling CI community “NAZIS.” That is really unfair. Why can’t we express our own feelings how we feel the hearing view of Deaf people is? About being fixed, about being the subject of experiments, about being the object of studies, about being gawked at in classrooms?
KP, I will tell you one thing. I am human and have humanity in me. I will never go up to a CI child and gawk at him and say “Gee, your mom fixed you?” Even if I don’t like the way the CI community is in looking down at Deaf culture, I am not going to make the CI child a pawn.
It’s like a divorce. Parents can have irreconcible differences, but NEVER make their children a pawn. Co-parenting values are instilled in both parents, they will agree to disagree, but work together as parents for the sake of the children.
Same here, ALL CI children MUST not be a pawn in our dire differences regarding CI implantation and our anti-CI views on it and your supportive views on it. They must be left out. If I met a CI child, I would treat the child the same as I would greet a Deaf cultured child who uses ASL. I would not treat any CI children any different, because it is NOT their fault. They are at the mercy of the system.
It’s just our discussion with the parents and the audist professionals who feel they know what is best for us, and our argument is, NO, we know what is best for ourselves, simply put.
KP, if anybody makes comment to your child such as you described in your quote, then that person is heartless. However we have a responsibility to be open with our views and we want to feel free to have our own opinion and views about CI implants.
If my own wife wanted a CI, as a husband, I would support her because that is what she wants, despite my personal misgivings about CI implants. A husband has to respect her wishes. In life we cannot agree on everything, right? But disliking the idea of a CI on my wife should not cut our marriage off. I mean if it does, then I am not entitled to any opinions at all, which means, I have less rights and am less than a human.
January 30th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Fix is a tricky word I think. Hearing parents want to “fix” the Deaf child? IMO it is a negative way of saying “fix the super healthy child with a broken ear” Anyone, can you fix my hearing? It doesn’t make sense to me. We are humans. Not robots. However my hearing aid (or even CI) can be fixed or repaired.
If someone born without an arm. It can not be fixed however the prostethic arm (pardon my poor spelling) can be fitted into his elbow arm. If the fake arm is broken and it can be fixed or repaired! LOL just my two pennies …
January 30th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
I do have one suggestion: That Deaf anti-CI people and CI community people get together for coffee at Starbucks. You’ll see we are humans, with feelings (and right of expression), and we can sit down and communicate even if it has to be through notepad and pen, or though MS word on our laptops, or through ASL interpreters.
We want to diminish the notion we are drooling militants who bites. We are very honest with our feelings and tell it straight to your face, given, but that is our nature.
What do you think? A few CI parents meet some anti-CI people at Starbucks? Not a bad idea. We won’t bring any Nazi arm bands either for distribution, don’t worry. Feedback?
Warning: We won’t be convinced to agree with your views. But we can turn this into a two way street, with respect growing for each other. That is what should come out of this, respect.
January 30th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
#141 KP
KP, I totally understand wanting to keep your child with you in a safe place. I for myself would not want my child be lashed out by anti-CI.
I have been an overprotected mother of my two kids who are hearing! LOL We are looking at this in totally opposite camps … we as mother hens love our kids for who they are! My own kids have ADD and dyslexia who went to private schools and now they are in college doing very well.
#154 Cochlear Dad
awwwww i love you already! You are raising your beautiful child with CI and sign language! You are the best dad on earth! Wish my dad did the same with me.
January 30th, 2008 at 4:27 pm
John and Diane, thank you both for your posts. I very much appreciate it. I could point out a few posts that border on bashing me, a parent with a CI child (please note that I’m not saying specifically bashing me by name, only because I’m the parent of a CI child), but that is beside the point. I would definitely meet with you at Starbucks. Heck, we could become friends and I’d bring you home and pump out everything I could from you while feeding you dinner and cookies for dessert. I have soooo many questions that only a deaf person could answer, IF, they respected my right to implant MY child. You don’t have to like the CI yourself, but accept what I have done in the best interest of my child. I don’t want to change your minds or even try to pull you over to my side. I just want the deaf community to understand where I’m coming from, the parent of a child who somehow became deaf after birth. I think that we could teach each other things.
Thanks again for your posts.
January 30th, 2008 at 4:44 pm
John C.
Your suggestion is not a bad idea, but the logistics of meeting at a Starbucks would have to be done thru email.
I think what K.P. is talking about where Deaf extremists are concerned is that they are indeed out there, either here online or in public places. I’m not discounting how these individuals feel, they have a right to express their thoughts online, for example, but to attack others, especially those in the CI community, is not going to bring any harmony in the deaf community.
We d/Deaf have to call these extremists on their actions and to remind them that yes, they have a right to express themselves but don’t go attacking someone just because his view doesn’t square with theirs. I know that the majority of Deaf are not like this, that many accept CI children and adults, and that they also wish to have their views validated and understood by the hearing world.
Having our d/Deaf views understood and validated has been a long uphill battle, but attacking people right and left is not going to accomplish anything, much less bring more understanding to our views. I know it is TIRING to educate people about equal access, about ASL, about hearing paternalism, about the state of deaf education, etc. We’re the ones on the short end of the stick, having to disprove hearing misperceptions of d/Deafness constantly.
Extremists make the most noise and get the most attention, and even though many of us d/deaf relate to some of the views they hold, we should not condone their attacks on others. And yes, respect is a key element to any attempt of understanding another person’s view.
January 30th, 2008 at 5:02 pm
I think KP may have been alluding to #45. I fully understand that the vast majority of the Deaf Community will be compassionate with my daughter, but that small minority can do SO much damage. Both online, and in person.
For reasons I won’t go into here, we used SEE with our daughter, and while many of the signs are the same, some aren’t, and the syntax is different. Someone asked me the other day if I objected to her learning ASL, or even not using her implant when she grew up. I said that we got her the implant to add options, not take them away. If she finds her place is in the Deaf Community, with or without the implant, I have no problem with that. It is her choice. I fully expect her to learn ASL in the future. She likes sign language, and she is good at it. I just hope she doesn’t encounter the militant minority first.
January 30th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Ann_C-
Your comment is read-written and clear. I would like to add that part of the problem is REACTION. Like in a regular conversation, we think first before reacting. But in this instance, some do react without thinking in context how the words were said and how the response was filled out. That is where intelligent conversation comes into play but when we state how we feel, we tell like it is. The Deaf perspective and the hearing perspective comes from two different ends.
January 30th, 2008 at 5:14 pm
KL, I want to object to the term “militant minority.” These people are simply anti-CI. For example, if you were a parent against the usage of ASL, does it make you a militant CI parent? Even if you freely expressed how you felt about ASL? Keep in mind that communications between two groups can escalate into where we, in our minds, esteem the other as “militant.” The term militant is a clever usage of the word against Deaf people that have strong opinion. I don’t necessarily think using the word “CI militant parents” is feasible, either. I would only say, “CI parents with strong opinion.” I might say they are narrow minded, maybe, I can admit this.
Maybe more careful word usage by all parties could be reinforced in all future comments.
January 30th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
KP-
How do we go about the logistics of e-mailing each other? Without publicly stating our e-mails on a comment? Suggestions?
I wouldn’t mind meeting with you at a Starbucks or your home, we could have like a 3 on 3 sessions from both sides. KL is welcome, with you and one or two other parents. Or if you prefer, one on one, it doesn’t matter as long you feel comfortable with the logistics of it.
I’ll be happy to answer any questions, and I will answer them from an educational point of view, from a personal point of view, and from the Deaf community’s point of view, and based on my childhood experiences, what lacks and what doesn’t lack, just anything you want to know, I’ll be happy to answer.
January 30th, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Location, location, location. You find a Starbucks that I can get to without having to drive for 3 hours, or get on a plane, and I’m there.
As to the militant minority, my definition is where someone judges you based entirely on if you have implanted your child, then calls you bad names because of it. I would say that fits with the person in comment 45. Out of all these comments, that is pretty good. Only one.
January 30th, 2008 at 5:29 pm
Geeze,
Lotta love going on here from posts 154 onward…Way to go Cochlear Dad! I’d love to join everyone at Starbucks, I’d love to smell a Starbucks I miss it so much over here in Italy. And the Deaf Culture course was an excellent idea that should be provided automatically upon diagnosis, this would go a long way in helping new parents learn about their new child’s deaf identity…really interesting idea! Jodi
January 30th, 2008 at 5:33 pm
KL, what state are you located at?
January 30th, 2008 at 5:36 pm
Starbucks Central. Seattle
January 30th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
KL, regarding comment #45 nobody should call anyone Nazi. Nazism is a very real holocaust. But I did say I was glad I wasn’t alive during the Mengele experiments. It was just a cliche, just related to the inhumanity, whether it is on a small, innocent scale, or on a large scale.
I want to share with you that if you were Deaf, and in our shoes, you would probably feel the same way we do. That is what makes it so interesting, it is based on whose shoes we are in.
The young Deaf people, such as students in mainstream schools and in oral schools might feel differently than we do because of the way they have been raised, or taught. Some might even feel that it is not necessary for them to have a CI, even if they feel the “peer pressure” to get one. Some do have their own feelings, and nobody owns them and nobody can pressure them unless they let them. Others might be different, buying into it. I really respect those that do not allow the system to dictate what is best for them, that they are their own persons. I admire them and in awe of individuals that are in control of their own fate, even their future. But those that buy into it, just because their parents advocate it, or because their teachers, speech therapists, audiologists all recommend it, without searching their true feelings..well..it’s their business and if it’s their loss, it’s because they haven’t stood up to their true feelings, if they were misgivings.
January 30th, 2008 at 5:45 pm
I am Californian. Next time I come to Seattle, I will contact you. I don’t know when I will go. We just need to email each other and fill each other in. johncritser@yahoo.com (if I get hate mail or junk e-mail, I can always delete it)
January 30th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
The real problem is that if we wait until the kids are old enough to decide, the auditory center of the brain is no longer plastic enough to make use of the sound the implant is sending in.
In this case, the parents have to step up to the plate and do what parents are supposed to do: Decide what is best for their kids.
We did not buy into pressure from anyone. We looked at all the options and choices, and made the decision we felt was in our daughter’s best interest. And since we did it very quickly after she lost her hearing, she has done amazingly well with her implant.
January 30th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
KL,
I am very happy that with your children, the response was very favorable. Your response was very rational, and agreeable.
However, there are others that do buy into pressure from others. Remember since Adam and Eve, this hasn’t been a perfect world. The word “pressure” has been in the dictionary for many years.
I am glad you are able to speak for yourself and I accept your assessment that you didn’t buy into pressure from anyone and looked at all the options and choices, and made the decision. In some instances it can be a good decision.
How can it be a good decision? Maybe the friends, the fellow CI implantees, the fraternity within, the BBQs and fundraisers, etc. That kind of camaraderie can be fun. Just as long the child is happy and doesn’t feel he or she is missing out on something. As long we are not imprinted in our minds that ASL will cause hindrance to learning to speak, read lips, and listen.
It’s true if someone offered me this option to choose from, I would decline it, because I feel I am 100% whole, not needing to be fixed. I feel I haven’t lost anything. I am not missing out on anything, either. I have worn hearing aids before and know what sounds are like. Some has never heard sounds, and aren’t missing out on anything.
Soul and Spirit is deeper than the natural, physical being. If I allowed me being Deaf, not hearing anything, not being able to talk on the phone, to make me unhappy, then it’s the depression that is not good. It’s negative and robs you of a full life. What was important to me is to find love, to have many friends, to be able to communicate, whether by talking or by signing in ASL, to be able to read books, whether easy to read or thick novels, and to have access to communication through closed captioning, through ASL interpreters, to Real Time Captioning, via the Deaf community, through ASL signed videos, and many other connections. I can breathe, smell, taste, touch, and see. I can have a deep, ponderous thought process as a thinker. I can laugh and cry. I can comfort, or be blunt. I can possess all the equilibrium as a Deaf person.
January 30th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
I have never believed that being deaf would be a hinderance to our daughter’s happiness. It was totally based on ease of communication. We felt that she could easily communicate with the deaf world, but without the implant, it would be more frustrating for her to communicate with her extended hearing family, and with the hearing world in general. Being the only deaf person in a very large family can be isolating. We simply wanted to keep as many doors open for her as possible.
January 30th, 2008 at 6:23 pm
That’s agreeable, that she shouldn’t be frustrated in being able to communicate with her extended hearing family, and the hearing world in general.
Signing in ASL can be fun. Why not have the extending hearing family take ASL classes for fun, and enjoy ASL as well?
What I heard from my own family is they didn’t have the time for it, or the motivation. My mom and sis took ASL classes but it was only briefly. I don’t know if they even finished the classes.
It does take commitment and desire to learn it, and sacrifice.
January 30th, 2008 at 6:30 pm
We had a number of family members who started taking the SEE sign language classes, but most only lasted one or two classes. Without regular practice, it is really hard to keep up on the sign. None of her cousins know sign, and only one Aunt took a class. You just can’t force that kind of thing.
January 30th, 2008 at 6:33 pm
yes we can’t force that kind of thing. Regular practice can take place with your own CI child, as it’s usually Deaf people who finish what they start in learning sign language.
SEE is more seen in K-6 classes in the mainstream programs. ASL is for anybody K-12 and beyond, in any program, mainstream or Deaf school.
Like I said, learning ASL takes time, sacrifice, and especially commitment. If I wanted to learn French, I’d have to commit myself to even learn the language fluently.
January 30th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Even for us, it was hard. We are victims of our own success. She preferred verbal to sign learning, and the signing became backup. After a while, even we could not practice enough to keep up.
January 30th, 2008 at 6:58 pm
KL
“Victims of our own success”…what an understatement! I feel like if I talk with you a lot more, I’d get a Ph.D degree!
Thats one of the problems with CIs or oralism, people prefer verbal over learning ASL.
With me, it was the other way around. As a kid, I learned how to talk, then I learned ASL. It wasn’t a matter of preference, but it was the thrill over becoming bilingual.
January 30th, 2008 at 7:11 pm
It could be that she started out hearing. Her brain already had started to develop as a hearing baby. Because she got language right from the start, it was easy for her to switch to sign language when she lost her hearing, and it was easy for her to switch back when she got the implant. We followed her lead on which type of communication she preferred.
Either way, early language is absolutely important. I couldn’t care less if it is ASL, English, or what. If they get language right off, they do fine. That was our primary concern, that she not be without language of some sort.
January 30th, 2008 at 7:13 pm
KL,
So the misconception about some Deaf people is that babies develop without language of some sort? In regards to early language? I just want to crosscheck with you to make sure if that is what you mean?
January 30th, 2008 at 7:18 pm
No. What I mean is that before newborn screening, when kids weren’t identified as deaf, they got no language until they were usually 1 to 3 years old. This isn’t about misconceptions. Just no language acquisition. This is especially true for the many babies born to hearing parents. Even many pediatricians would not listen to parent’s concerns about their child’s hearing. So when the child was finally identified, they were way behind in language development. And the brain needs language from birth in order to fully develop.
January 30th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
Did that make sense? For language development, ASL does the same job as verbal language for hearing babies. The longer the delay, the more frustrated the child is, and the more difficulty they have in understanding language.
January 30th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
K.L. You and I are exactly on the same page. You have written exactly what I would have. I too looked at all options available, and for a while decided that I would not implant my son. However, the turning point for me was when we went out to eat with my family. My nephews who are the same age as my son, were saying words and repeating them to each other and laughing. My son, was totally oblivious to what was going on and it pierced my heart. Like you mentioned in your previous post, time was of the essence for my son to learn to speak if implanted. You do have to do it early, then later he will have the option. I took ASL, I’m still trying. Like your family, mine gave up or promised to start and didn’t. I wanted to make communication between my son and our family as easy as possible. I didn’t go into this with blinders. I had the choice of going to a surgeon who was world renowned, but he lacked compassion and caring. I chose a surgeon who had those qualities and I’m so thankful I did. The words he said, “I’m just the person who puts it in, it is God and the parents who determine the outcome” that hooked me. For what it’s worth, this man was very good. My son had no bruising, swelling whatsoever. He ate that night, slept all night and was running the next day. You cannot see his scar. His doctor keeps up with us, we e-mail one another. Compassion for one another is the key. I asked a local deaf woman for help even took my son, so we could both learn ASL, she slammed me when she found out about I was getting him a CI. That hurt.
I’m happy that ther are those who are willing to reach out, despite our differences.
January 30th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
I want to give reference of an open letter written by a Deaf culture expert and legend, Ella Mae Lentz:
http://www.ellasflashlight.com
Blog post is titled: “To Parents with Deaf Children…”
Let me know what you think of this letter, all CI parents. I would like to know your thoughts.
January 30th, 2008 at 7:32 pm
KP,
It is sad when that happens. But there is so much that has happened do many Deaf people in the past from the “experts” that a lot of people have horror stories and pain from it. They just can’t always get past that. And sometimes it is just a knee jerk reaction. Hopefully, we can all learn from each other and start healing some of that. It is better for our kids if they can connect to the Deaf Community, but that can’t happen until we, the parents, feel safe that our kids will be cherished by them.
January 30th, 2008 at 7:50 pm
KP- your quote: “Compassion for one another is the key. I asked a local deaf woman for help even took my son, so we could both learn ASL, she slammed me when she found out about I was getting him a CI. That hurt.”
I cannot speak for that woman that slammed you when she found out you were getting him a CI.
As for me I would share with you rationally my feelings about the CI option but I wouldn’t slam you. People can be worlds apart in opinion, but we shouldn’t treat each other in an inhumane way.
January 30th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
John,
Exactly right. I have no problems with people disagreeing. It would be pretty boring if we didn’t. I just want it to be done with respect and caring.
January 30th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Enhance? CI is a new peer pressure thing. I have a deaf child and I see many parents having peer pressure. It is like you are spreading a gospel.
January 30th, 2008 at 10:53 pm
John C.
You bring up an interesting element, reaction, as you describe it your #164 response. Oh, man, is this comment section getting long to scroll thru!
Those from Deaf culture have an anger towards hearing dated to a long history of both cultural and language repression.
Those who were oral deaf and later turned to deaf culture and to sign language as a validation of their deaf identity have an anger toward hearing parents, the medical community, and deaf education.
Those who are oral deaf, still use speech as primary communication and are fully immersed in the hearing world have an anger toward both the deaf community and the hearing world. Because the oral deaf is not accepted in either world.
Now I know this is just a short generic summary and I am in no way discounting d/Deaf individuals’ experiences, because each deaf person’s experience is unique. But when one thinks of the summary above, that’s a helluva lot of anger.
Not a wonder that hearing people get this blowback REACTION. They don’t know the history, they don’t understand the repercussions of language acquisition and education in a d/Deaf person’s life, they don’t understand the communication, access, social, and employment barriers that the d/Deaf encounter on a daily basis.
But give the parents of deaf children and CI kids some credit– they are not totally oblivious to a deaf child’s needs. They are confronting deafness in their own child and doing the best they know how. At least they have some understanding about deafness, if not directly themselves but thru their deaf child’s interaction with the world, that’s better than the majority of hearing people out there. Do we want them as our hearing allies or as our usual enemies? So, yes, reaction is something we need to consider when speaking with these parents.
January 31st, 2008 at 1:20 pm
WOW!
I cant get over how drastically the mood has changed for a positive tone! Isnt this great!?
we should thank MZ for bringing us to a middle ground, dont you think so?
I live way too far from Seattle to meet at SB, oh well! Are there groups where Deaf and Hearing can meet in various parts of this country?
January 31st, 2008 at 2:03 pm
I am hearing, my family is hearing, I don’t know anyone who is Deaf. We live in a little town in northern california where the resources are few. Most children are bussed 5 hours south to Fremont school for the Deaf and only see their family on the weekends. I struggled with the options available to me. What would be best for her, or was it best for me.
I met this bright little boy around 7 years old, he had a cochlear and I didn’t know much about them. We had a great conversation and when it was time to go, he was walking away from me and I said ” It was nice to meet you,” He turned around and said ” It was nice to meet you too”. I know this sounds wrong, but I wanted that for my child, for me. I wanted to be able to hear her say “I love you daddy”. I know she would be able some day to sign that to me, but that isn’t what I wanted. I want both. I want her to be able to walk into a room and be able to communicate with whoever is there. Hearing or Deaf. Remember this. CI’s only give the child the Pathway to hear. It dosn’t meen they will be able to hear. I know 3 children who have received cochlear implants that didn’t work for them and they are just as wonderful as my child. And if the CI wouldn’t have worked with my daughter, I would be just as happy with her as I am today.
January 31st, 2008 at 2:24 pm
One more thing. My daughter is Deaf. She will always 1st be Deaf. Knowbody will know that more that she will. She hears second. I guess you can say, she has the best of both worlds.
I will never know what it is to be Deaf. But just because my daughter has a CI, dosn’t mean she won’t understand what is it to be Deaf. She is only 3 years old and everynight she takes off her CI and “becomes Deaf again”. Any time she is around water, she “becomes Deaf again”. I don’t know what it feels like to wake up in a pitch black room at night not being able to hear a single sound. Not being able to hear my own voice calling out. But my daughter does.
she is not “broken” and she dosn’t need to be “fixed”
She is “SPECIAL”, “WONDERFUL”, and my inspiration and motivation to do better things with my life.
Who knows, God brought this special child “with a gift” into my life.
Her deafness has brought our family closer than we ever were. Maybe someday her brother or even I might do something that will help other Deaf children, that we wouldn’t have done if she wasn’t Deaf.
January 31st, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Cochlear dad, it is amazing how similar all of us CI parents are. I feel like I could have wrote your post as well. My son is also 3. I’m originally from CA as well, the southern area the OC. I need to figure out a way to give you my e-mail.
January 31st, 2008 at 6:45 pm
I am pleased to see how well the discussions are going and that people are understanding each other better, including me.
You can contact me at Mishkazena@aol.com if you want to exchange e mails with another poster. This way, there would be no loss of privacy.
February 1st, 2008 at 4:44 pm
Hi,
I am going to “FIX” my Deafness by going to the doctor and ask them to cut off any remaining nerves that I can “hear” some sounds with.
Anyone offense by that?
Sorry MZ I couldn’t resist.
February 1st, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Smile, KB I can understand why.
Barb DiGi followed up this discussion with an analysis where the word ‘fix’ comes from, in her blog. It’s worthy a read, very illuminating. Here is the link: http://deafprogressivism.blogspot.com/2008/02/who-really-say-about-fixing-deaf-people.html
By the way, I think this post broke the record for having the most comments in my blog, ever… 198. It’s safe that we all got a good education from this thread
February 1st, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Same thing, How I feel..
Isn’t solution for “Fix”
That what I did made comment when My 2nd vlog.
check it out: http://thewattsworld.blogspot.com/2008/01/2nd-vlog-1-opitions.html
Really hits me break my heart!
I agree w/you actually FIX ISN’T SOLVE and just human being beautiful baby..
Why can’t they accept Deaf Baby?
February 1st, 2008 at 8:27 pm
Forgot add edit:
Hey Everyone,
How can I feel about my baby.. He’s hearing. Should I fix my baby “cochlear removal”?
I don’t make my baby remove cochlear because I love my baby.
What more.. Create beautiful babies are just human being.
I have wonderful 4 children who they are hearing and can communication through ASL with us.
You cannot accept your Deaf Child? Why can’t you?
Why can’t you give your Deaf Child chance and grown up and happier.. Just your child feel patience through, doing it for you deserve your child is better life. You cannot see your Child is suffering inside feeling/emotions/patience through for YOU YOU YOU (HEARING PARENT) Honestly!! One day, you don’t understand Child’s feel emotions.. what if your child is complain about their cochlear or other side effects. What will you (Hearing Parents) think, Oh naw, you’re just fine.. You cannot see your child is really not happy!
Think about it.
Where is love?
February 1st, 2008 at 11:47 pm
I saw my friend reading a magazine at Alberto’s (hair salom) this afternoon and waved “Hi” to her.
She said, “I am having my hair FIXED.”
I replied, “Me, too. I will have my hair FIXED
tomorrow. Have not had a haircut since last
December. Does it mean that our hair looks
defective? LOL.
“Fix” is merely a colloquial term.
Tooooooo much ado about nothing!
Très amusant, n’est-ce pas?
February 1st, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Post Scriptum:
Lighten up! Nothing wrong to use a term,
“Fix”.
I will fix some of my clothes. Spring is coming
in the corner. Tempus fugit, aio!
February 2nd, 2008 at 7:32 am
Fix, fix, fix!
*whirl, whirl, whirl*
Fix, fix, fix!
*tap, tap, tap*
Fix, fix, fix!
*clap, clap, clap*
FIX!
Pfft. ;o)
February 2nd, 2008 at 1:12 pm
Terri,
I have to admit that your posts bother me. I even saw your vlog. I understand where u are coming from 100% not wanting CI in babies. You said that if your baby is hearing and have a surgery to remove CI. I have to be honest here, that really does not make sense to me. I think the point you were trying to state that you cannot bear the idea of CI surgery and we should accept who our babies are hearing/deaf/ etc.
I am playing the devil’s advocate as well for the hearing parents of deaf babies. They opt for CI surgeries because they (the parents) cannot imagine their deaf babies not able to hear. I truly understand them because I had a CI surgery 5 years ago and the sounds of speech is amazing!!! the CI allows every frequency in each sound.. for instance, Shhhh. I had never heard that sound and it is a cool sound! Raindrops on the top of a car is also cool! dropping my keys and the sound of that alerts me to look back and get the key rather than go all the way to the car and “where are my keys????” i have to go retrace back to whereever i might have dropped the keys. When im in a car, I hear sirens but where? I search and WOW its far away and i can hear it! Cool!!!
So believe me, hearing parents are doing what they think it is best for their babies. I totally understand that! Yet, of course, I will be afraid of the idea of a baby undergoing surgery… it is the scariest thing to see. Most deaf parents are doing what they think is best for their children.
I also want to comment what you said in your vlog…”I doubt they can be successful.” I have to step in and say “how do you know?” I believe the hearing parents of CI kids and their successes.
Let me ask other deaf people.. how do you know? Have you heard sounds like hearing people? I really think that once you try hearing those cool sounds, i think you will change your minds about CI. It’s the unknown which is scary. It goes both ways; hearing parents are not as knowledgable about Deaf culture and ASL .. perhaps they are fearful of the unknown while the Deaf people are fearful of CI.
Again, lets try to understand the hearing people and why they choose CI. Why not they have both CI and ASL. I think that is a goal we want… let the CI children be exposed to ASL and deaf culture. Same goes with deaf people; its harder to understand the hearing people because obviously of the deaf culture and not able to hear; yet, lets try to be open and try to embrace the hearing parents they truly want to be able to talk to us deafies and they do not need to be “slaughtered” by being so against CI to the point where they do not want to deal with any deaf persons at all. Lets not be so hostile.
Come on, in our history there have been so many oral people who simply refuse to embrace deaf culture and be totally immersed in the hearing community. And there are quite many who end up at Gallaudet and learn sign language at a late age just like CI babies who reach college age and want to learn sign language. I seriously doubt that CI will totally destroy deaf culture and community.. why did i say that? Because there are quite few deaf parents of deaf kids who will be totally immersed in the deaf culture and eventually at Gallaudet teach those who grew up orally or CI to carry on the Deaf culture.
again, I do understand the fear of the unknown from both sides.