Hearing Parents Chose ASL
We are hearing parents. Rather than choosing the path of oralism which many times goes hand and hand with cochlear implants and auditory-verbal therapy, we chose not to take the advice of the medical community. Instead we chose to listen to the advice of the people who know the most about being deaf………”deaf people:”
We cannot tell you how many times over the years our daughter has thanked us for learning ASL as a family and embracing her as a deaf person. Throughout the years, we have heard countless stories from deaf people who were raised orally by well-meaning parents. Many are heartbreaking stories of not being allowed to sign in school, being isolated from conversations, enduring speech and listening therapies in order to say a single word or sentence, and the feeling of exhaustion at the end of each day from listening, speaking, and coping. The amazing thing is that many of these people eventually come to find ASL. The saddest thing is that they were unknowingly denied their right to a visual language at birth.
We didn’t come to all this knowledge in a day or two, it took many years. So here is the story of our wonderful journey of enlightenment into a world we didn’t know existed before the birth of our deaf daughter………
When we learned our second daughter was deaf, we really had no clue what to do. The audiologist who gave us the diagnosis was also the person who gave us advice on what to do next. He said our ten month old daughter needed to be fit with hearing aids and that we should check into a preschool that was an hour from our home for “hearing impaired” infants and preschoolers. It was part of the public school system. This was 21 years ago.
We followed his advice since we had no idea who else to turn to. (Remember this was before computers and the internet to search for information.) The preschool happened to offer two approaches to language. One was Oral and the other was Total Communication. Both included speech training.
Looking back, we consider ourselves lucky to have been directed to this school as it got us started on the path of signing. All we knew as parents was that we would not go without communicating with our daughter no matter what we had to do. It was obvious after our first week at preschool that the oral approach was not going to give our daughter a naturally occurring language. She was deaf. She was visual.
That first year was a blur with driving an hour each way to preschool and then going to classes for sign language wherever we could find them. Luckily again for us, there was a town 30 minutes from where we lived that had a sign language class with deaf volunteers who helped teach us the basics of ASL.
Thankfully, we happened to have a deaf family in our area who invited us to their home. This was “the defining moment” that influenced us the most on every decision we made after that regarding our daughter. In their home, we had the opportunity to see how these deaf parents were able to communicate fluently with their hearing children through ASL, we saw how their home was set up to accommodate all their needs, we saw examples of deaf culture, and mostly we saw a whole new world opening before our eyes.
After preschool, we ended up sending our daughter to kindergarten in the mainstream public school nearby. It took only one year to see that our beautiful, very intelligent daughter was being treated as “special”. She was left out of so much in the public school system.
We then decided it was time to make a huge decision. We decided to move three hours away in order for her to go to the Deaf School and still be part of our family. We knew in our hearts that she had a right to have a normal childhood in a school that could meet her educational, social, and emotional needs. She would be surrounded by her deaf peers, teachers, and staff. This just seemed logical to us. Little did we know that this would also be exactly what we as a family needed in order to grow and learn more about ASL and Deaf Culture.
Once our daughter started at the Deaf School, we saw an immediate change in her. It was as if this beautiful child was blossoming everyday. Language was filling her. It was the biggest sense of relief we had ever felt. She was in the arms of people who cared, understood, and could take her further into this world than we could ever have imagined.
Here are some things we learned throughout the journey:
ASL is critical in early language acquisition. It is a naturally occurring visual language that opens the mind to thinking and cognition. It broadens opportunities, reduces barriers, and eliminates the frustrations associated to not being able to communicate thoughts and ideas clearly.
Culture: Deaf people have a strong culture in caring for each other and bonding…all because of language. They love and respect ASL. It is what adds to the beauty and depth of their culture. This is true for verbal languages too. Being proud of a language and culture, speaking out about it, and trying to educate others is important and valid. This is how people learn about each other and become more respectful of diversity.
Technology and Assistive Devices: Deaf people are not against technology and assistive devices to improve hearing and speech. They are useful tools. However, it is important not to be mislead. Below are a few examples:
a. Speech: Speech does not equate to language. Speech only makes it easier for hearing people to understand deaf, but it doesn’t make it easier for deaf to understand hearing. In fact, many times speech only misleads hearing people into believing the deaf person can actually hear everything the hearing person is saying.
b. Listening: Listening for the deaf involves a whole spectrum of technical assistance ranging from hearing aides to highly invasive technology such as cochlear implants. Then on top of all this, this technology is costly and not full-proof that it will work or even work well.
c. Lipreading: Lipreading which is a skill that only allows for maybe 35% to 40% of words to be recognizable on the lips depending on the person speaking. The rest of what is being said is a guess of filling in the blanks.
ASL has been our answer. Our daughter is now a grown young woman who is incredibly independent and soon to graduate from Gallaudet. She has had more opportunities in her life and in school than anyone we have ever known. She gets along brilliantly in the “hearing world”. She is proud to be Deaf and we are so proud of her too. This all goes to show that “not all things need fixing”.
We want to express our deepest gratitude to all the people in the Deaf Community who were our guiding light over the years. We pray that more hearing parents will find that light in their journeys too.
Hearing Parents of a Bilingual Deaf Daughter
Commentary: Since I think readers need a break from cochlear implant stories, here is an ASL related story. Anyone who wants to share their stories why they feel bilingual instruction is the right choice, please contact me at mishkazena@aol.com. Having a child raised in bilingual environment, ASL and English, doesn’t mean the child is a ‘failure’, not at all. Many deaf kids thrive very well in an ASL-rich atmosphere since ASL is a visible language 100% accessible.
Also parents should think about setting blogs on the activities of their Deaf kids using the bilingual approach. This way the hearing parents can see how well these kids are thriving, with good reading skills, etc, and understand that the bilingual approach is a very effective method. MZ
We are hearing parents. Rather than choosing the path of oralism which many times goes hand and hand with cochlear implants and auditory-verbal therapy, we chose not to take the advice of the medical community. Instead we chose to listen to the advice of the people who know the most about being deaf………”deaf people:”
We cannot tell you how many times over the years our daughter has thanked us for learning ASL as a family and embracing her as a deaf person. Throughout the years, we have heard countless stories from deaf people who were raised orally by well-meaning parents. Many are heartbreaking stories of not being allowed to sign in school, being isolated from conversations, enduring speech and listening therapies in order to say a single word or sentence, and the feeling of exhaustion at the end of each day from listening, speaking, and coping. The amazing thing is that many of these people eventually come to find ASL. The saddest thing is that they were unknowingly denied their right to a visual language at birth.
We didn’t come to all this knowledge in a day or two, it took many years. So here is the story of our wonderful journey of enlightenment into a world we didn’t know existed before the birth of our deaf daughter………
When we learned our second daughter was deaf, we really had no clue what to do. The audiologist who gave us the diagnosis was also the person who gave us advice on what to do next. He said our ten month old daughter needed to be fit with hearing aids and that we should check into a preschool that was an hour from our home for “hearing impaired” infants and preschoolers. It was part of the public school system. This was 21 years ago.
We followed his advice since we had no idea who else to turn to. (Remember this was before computers and the internet to search for information.) The preschool happened to offer two approaches to language. One was Oral and the other was Total Communication. Both included speech training.
Looking back, we consider ourselves lucky to have been directed to this school as it got us started on the path of signing. All we knew as parents was that we would not go without communicating with our daughter no matter what we had to do. It was obvious after our first week at preschool that the oral approach was not going to give our daughter a naturally occurring language. She was deaf. She was visual.
That first year was a blur with driving an hour each way to preschool and then going to classes for sign language wherever we could find them. Luckily again for us, there was a town 30 minutes from where we lived that had a sign language class with deaf volunteers who helped teach us the basics of ASL.
Thankfully, we happened to have a deaf family in our area who invited us to their home. This was “the defining moment” that influenced us the most on every decision we made after that regarding our daughter. In their home, we had the opportunity to see how these deaf parents were able to communicate fluently with their hearing children through ASL, we saw how their home was set up to accommodate all their needs, we saw examples of deaf culture, and mostly we saw a whole new world opening before our eyes.
After preschool, we ended up sending our daughter to kindergarten in the mainstream public school nearby. It took only one year to see that our beautiful, very intelligent daughter was being treated as “special”. She was left out of so much in the public school system.
We then decided it was time to make a huge decision. We decided to move three hours away in order for her to go to the Deaf School and still be part of our family. We knew in our hearts that she had a right to have a normal childhood in a school that could meet her educational, social, and emotional needs. She would be surrounded by her deaf peers, teachers, and staff. This just seemed logical to us. Little did we know that this would also be exactly what we as a family needed in order to grow and learn more about ASL and Deaf Culture.
Once our daughter started at the Deaf School, we saw an immediate change in her. It was as if this beautiful child was blossoming everyday. Language was filling her. It was the biggest sense of relief we had ever felt. She was in the arms of people who cared, understood, and could take her further into this world than we could ever have imagined.
Here are some things we learned throughout the journey:
ASL is critical in early language acquisition. It is a naturally occurring visual language that opens the mind to thinking and cognition. It broadens opportunities, reduces barriers, and eliminates the frustrations associated to not being able to communicate thoughts and ideas clearly.
Culture: Deaf people have a strong culture in caring for each other and bonding…all because of language. They love and respect ASL. It is what adds to the beauty and depth of their culture. This is true for verbal languages too. Being proud of a language and culture, speaking out about it, and trying to educate others is important and valid. This is how people learn about each other and become more respectful of diversity.
Technology and Assistive Devices: Deaf people are not against technology and assistive devices to improve hearing and speech. They are useful tools. However, it is important not to be mislead. Below are a few examples:
a. Speech: Speech does not equate to language. Speech only makes it easier for hearing people to understand deaf, but it doesn’t make it easier for deaf to understand hearing. In fact, many times speech only misleads hearing people into believing the deaf person can actually hear everything the hearing person is saying.
b. Listening: Listening for the deaf involves a whole spectrum of technical assistance ranging from hearing aides to highly invasive technology such as cochlear implants. Then on top of all this, this technology is costly and not full-proof that it will work or even work well.
c. Lipreading: Lipreading which is a skill that only allows for maybe 35% to 40% of words to be recognizable on the lips depending on the person speaking. The rest of what is being said is a guess of filling in the blanks.
ASL has been our answer. Our daughter is now a grown young woman who is incredibly independent and soon to graduate from Gallaudet. She has had more opportunities in her life and in school than anyone we have ever known. She gets along brilliantly in the “hearing world”. She is proud to be Deaf and we are so proud of her too. This all goes to show that “not all things need fixing”.
We want to express our deepest gratitude to all the people in the Deaf Community who were our guiding light over the years. We pray that more hearing parents will find that light in their journeys too.
Hearing Parents of a Bilingual Deaf Daughter
Commentary: Since I think readers need a break from cochlear implant stories, here is an ASL related story. Anyone who wants to share their stories why they feel bilingual instruction is the right choice, please contact me at mishkazena@aol.com. Having a child raised in bilingual environment, ASL and English, doesn’t mean the child is a ‘failure’, not at all. Many deaf kids thrive very well in an ASL-rich atmosphere since ASL is a visible language 100% accessible.
Also parents should think about setting blogs on the activities of their Deaf kids using the bilingual approach. This way the hearing parents can see how well these kids are thriving, with good reading skills, etc, and understand that the bilingual approach is a very effective method. MZ
January 21st, 2008 at 2:21 pm
That’s great story!!!!! That pleases me to see how hard the parents were trying to approach on ASL/deafness. They did a very good homework on researching on those things and even met up with a deaf family in their neighborhood.
Nowdays, the parents need to do a lot of researches on Internet unlike the parents in old days. However, we need to educate the doctors and hospitals on ASL and great deaf schools for the option to offer the parents of deaf babies. The doctors should not push CI right off the bat. They need to show the options for the parents to decide and choose.
Mishka, I agree on breaking from CI stories but I’d like to see the balance between CI and ASL stories for the potiental parents to research and weigh on those stories even though we need more ASL stories.
Misha
January 21st, 2008 at 2:53 pm
Wow.. this deaf person is very fortunate to have these people as her parents! I sure do hope that this will help to reach hearing parents of deaf child and realize that is the right path for deaf child’s future. Thank you so much for sharing the story with us!
January 21st, 2008 at 3:27 pm
Wow!!! That’s good one! Thank God for any parent can use their computers! and have good chance to check on any good source by our today’s internet like http://www.DeafRead.com!
That would be good opportunity for any hearing parents of the Deaf children to get understand about our experiences in pro/con on C.I. ASL and others in our children’s education and outside of the schools.
I hope that 2008 would be a good milestone for us on behalf of our today’s children to learn their true language like ASL even with the C.I. or not!
Thanks for sharing with us and Keep up!
January 21st, 2008 at 3:35 pm
My heart warmed at this mother’s story.
Indeed, all those CI posts gets really tiring and monotonous – as if they are trying to drown us with it in hope to infilerate us with it and change path of Deaf Culture. There needs to be a balance.
We need more parents like this one to come forward.
January 21st, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Perfect effort by their parent.I am glad you choose a right path for your deaf daughter. Way to go!!
January 21st, 2008 at 4:00 pm
This is a lovely story, and I’m glad their daughter is doing so well. However, technology has changed tremendously in 20 years, and children with cochlear implants can learn to speak any language their parents use by HEARING the language. They can also learn ASL if they wish, but children who are oral with cochlear implants are not without a language, and don’t spend hours in speech therapy learning how to say a few words. Times have changed, and the choices parents have today are much wider than what was available 20 yrs ago.
January 21st, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Well– I hate to harp on this, but the one thing that stood out to me was these parents were supported by DEAF people early on– Deaf people who not only volunteered to help them learn ASL, but also welcomed them into their home.
This mother could not have made that leap or decision to go against medical advice if she had not seen first hand with her own eyes how she could raise her Deaf daughter to be Deaf.
I thank you for sharing this story Mishka. The message here is positive Deaf outreach can CHANGE LIVES.
Why was the mother willing to listen? She felt supported by the Deaf community. She saw the affect of the Deaf community’s encouragment and support on her daughter.
January 21st, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Impressively perceptive parents! I was awestruck at the logic they used and the clarity of expression of these profound truths.
These parents were not just hearing what they hoped to hear from professionals, they went to the REAL professionals, the deaf people themselves as well.
Hugs and thanks from this Deaf adult to you and all your family! May your kind grow more numerous and enlighten others!
January 21st, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Hallelujah! Hands waving in air. A beautiful post. Very inspiring to see a breath of fresh air even though I am a parent of a CI kid. Heh.
I can not deny that bilingual Deaf education is the most natural approach in teaching a deaf child. My lil’ dude was born in a bilingual home and has a cochlear implant. Yeah! Why not!
He is fully mainstreamed, which means he is not getting bilingual ed at school. But he is a bilingual kid already and I can compare him to any deaf child immersed in an ASL/English school environment.
ASL/English bilingualism and CI neednt be mututally exclusive. If parents want both, sure it is possible!
Wow I feel like saying CI here is like saying a dirty word after all the explosion. Sigh.
A good post. I look forward to more and seeing comments that are civil. Me feel bad about Val, the mom of two CI kids who has decided to abandon DeafRead as of today after she got harsh comments by an ignorant few culturally Deaf ppl. Go see American Mom in Tuscany’s blog and you’ll see Val’s comment. True biz, big bummer!
Hey John ABC, some of us need a whiff of ya. Still recuperating from the tattoo job? (;
January 21st, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Wow, I wish that my parents were like you. I learned to speak and lip read with my hearing aid when I was so young. I couldn’t understand what my family was saying at the dinner time and family togetherness. I was lost. I wish that my parents could learn ASL when I was baby so I couldn’t be isolated in my hearing family for years. I forgave my family because the people at John Tracy Clinic told my parents not to sign when I was a little girl. ASL is the key to make the deaf child smarter. Not all deaf people with CI have good speech. They need ASL to communicate, too.
January 21st, 2008 at 5:09 pm
Uh oh, forgot to add re Maria in no. 6. She is somewhat correct. Kids of now is not like kids of yesteryear. I would say oral education is equal to torture, but it is far from that nowadays. CI kids still need to learn to listen, but with so much ease than pre-Ci days.
Still, deaf kids are deaf Ci or not. The one area I would be concerned about the kids of the now is their socio-emotional status. Like what American mamma said in today’s blog of hers, Jordan is a successful oral kid, but she senses something is still missing. It is the identity thing. One may not know what it is until experiencing it and POW (as in total enligtenment in ASLspeak).
January 21st, 2008 at 7:20 pm
I thought you would be interested in viewing
Amy Cohen-Efron’s vlog (with voice), “The
Greatest Irony.” An eye-opened and a jaw-dropper!
January 21st, 2008 at 7:23 pm
Wonderful post!!
I know the feeling. I was on the phone with early intervention and they asked do you want oral or sign language? and I, knowing a big fat ZERO about anything Deaf Ed.-wise, thought ASL made the most sense, right? Don’t all deaf use sign language? (I was so naive) What chance!! We ended up at the Deaf School and are never looking back.
January 21st, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Beauitful post and it’s very honest
January 21st, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Jeannette!
You are the *MOST* noble person ever I’ve known!
I *REALLY* want, I mean *beg, beg, beg* to post my comment in your blog but, but, but I cannot provide my private email address in public.
Can you pleazzzze fix it for all of us?
*smile*
January 21st, 2008 at 8:08 pm
Awesome Story thumb up!
January 21st, 2008 at 8:39 pm
great story!!!!
my hat off to mom
January 21st, 2008 at 9:17 pm
#15 White Ghost wrote:
Jeannette!
“”I *REALLY* want, I mean *beg, beg, beg* to post my comment in your blog but, but, but I cannot provide my private email address in public.”"
White Ghost,
Do you mean you are not required to provide it in Mishka Zena’s box? I thought both Mishka Zena and Jeannette and most bloggers require email address. Care to clarify?
January 21st, 2008 at 10:57 pm
How I wish my parents were accepting of ASL like the parents of the daughter, when mine were first exposed to it… well, my dad didn’t like it and so, I was implanted with cochlear at age three. :\
Very honest entry, thanks for sharing with us.
January 21st, 2008 at 11:52 pm
Hats to the mom! This is wonderful story, and is much needed. Thanks for sharing this story with us.
deafk
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:33 am
For White Ghost:
When you go to Jeanette’s blog, you can see any commenters’ blue bold and then click it. You will understand better.
January 22nd, 2008 at 12:27 pm
Thank you so much for sharing your story, HPoBDD!
( I think that makes me a HPofBDDwCI )
It’s wonderful to see OPTIONS! There are so many critical, life-altering decisions that parents have a responsibility to make for their children, and it’s great to see so many paths open to us and so many choices and that each has a wonderful and different and equally valid and successful outcome. “Success” to me is a happy, fulfilled person who feels loved and special (not ‘special needs’), feels strengthened by and values his or her upbringing, and thinks of the whole world as having no limitations. Seeing a cross-section of the various methodologies in real stories is just great.
I love these examples of how families have provided super educational foundations for their deaf children, whether they be CI Deaf Oral successes or ASL Deaf successes like this beautiful story. MZ, our approach isn’t very common, I suspect, but I hope in your queue you’ve got an example of what my family can look to as a model (bi-bi CI deaf) — and that it isn’t another heartbreakingly sad one! We love our methodology of immersing the wee one in a signing school environment every day and shifting back and forth between ASL and English at home (we’re a hearing family)!
Jeannette, lurking around your site provided me with the first real-life example of an approach including both ASL and a CI that felt just right in my gut (my husband’s gut was right there too!). Anna S, I wholeheartedly agree with your comments across so many sites and think we may be doing something very similar to what you are doing with one of your little ones, just ‘flipped,’ so any tips you have for bridging those two worlds would be much, much welcome!
January 22nd, 2008 at 3:53 pm
Wow! great story like I am present use hearing aid and lipreading 40% understood to hearing employees but I can signed ASL very well can be Total Communication whatever you can choose way. I am honest with you T.C. have sucessful communcation but depends on people understood. I rather use hearing aid have no risk with me but C.I. is part of risk because if you have accdient by car hit if you need to go ER room request removed with C.I. reason with X-Ray that part of disavantage. What I was learned ASL by 10 years old from deaf family in same our apartment lucky I have learned a lot deaf culture to catch up with great social life and many new friends even went deaf camp. I learned alot about leadership from deaf world. I would like to thanks my hearing parent did tried their best can find right pick schools and learn speech and friend deaf family taught me either. It will be helpful your balance communcation and understand deaf culture and great leadership skills.
January 22nd, 2008 at 4:07 pm
One thing add up if you lived small town whatever if you see kid become deaf from hearing parents tell them as good advice what we can do with kid sent to school best way learned sign language or speech either need more infomation from deaf community or deaf family and not need advice from doctor give some error ways reason they not aware of deaf culture and tried business with C.I. and auditory etc. I know it hard decide to do with kids and tell them be happy with kids need social life and skills in education. Unlike our time in 1960′s. We need work on doctors in local area aware of deaf culture and choose the programs. Do not blame on parents faults lack of infomation must have works on it.
January 22nd, 2008 at 10:56 pm
white ghost,
if you hover over a person’s name you get the URL, if they didn’t provide a URL, you get the email. The field just has to be filled, it’s not my design. Just make up a nonexistent email if you’re at all uncomfortable with the situation. I don’t control it, unfortunately. I’ve had people leave addresses, for example, “me@me.com”. It fills the field and keeps their privacy.
P.s. your kind words touch me to the core.
January 23rd, 2008 at 9:31 am
Jeanette!
Thanks and I will try to see if it works with the “fake” email address. If not, too bad for me however.
January 9th, 2009 at 2:10 am
I was just googling why parents do not choose ASL for their children. As well as bi bi language. where ASL is taught as well as English.
I hope this site is still open. Please let me know and email me back I would love to put my input in there.
January 9th, 2009 at 2:12 am
By the way your story is exactly the same as my daughters’ stories. Being enrolled in a Deaf school. That is incredible.
I hope you get a chance to email me.