The one thing I wanted to tap into was the notion of what is a successful child? The reality is that in the very early days (pre CIs) I suspect that some educators did push speech and language and that in of itself determined success. The notion of development of self, of a feeling of belonging, of having social skills, friendships in the mainstream were perhaps to them less important than speech and language. I can tell you that our experience has certainly not been that!!! A large part of determining his success has been the measurement of what I call “true inclusion”…that is not inclusion in the sense that I suspect some readers here experienced in that students were stuck in a classroom and taught with the other kids, and that was it, that was meant to be inclusion! I mean true inclusion where the students are fully involved, valued members of their class groups, their school communities. That they have friendship groups and all that goes with that.

Maybe some of the readers here feel like the educators and professionals working with deaf children haven’t learned from past mistakes but I truly believe that they have. I think the advent of CI technology has made it so much easier for our kids to hear and learn to speak BUT I also believe that an acknowledgement by all that this is not in itself a meaure of success has also changed things. The notion that we must look at the “whole child” not just a measure of their speech and language is very much a part of the professional/education setting for those that provide support to our kids. It is this combination that is changing the face of things today, and the well rounded individuals we are now seeing as a result.

unconditional love – really parents are the key source of this and the foundation of a “good” human being

best wishes with Ellis – definitely off to a good start

peace

p

Hubby:
“Thank goodness that Ellis doesn’t have to be ruined by [our mistakes], though. For all the talk here about identity, sense of self, etc., I have to say that our view of Ellis’s personhood is limited neither by his deafness nor, should he have been born otherwise, his hearing. I hope that Ellis is a full enough person that whether he hears or not, whether he thinks of himself as Deaf or not, he finds a way to live an honest and honorable life in whatever circumstances he finds himself.

There is no way to save him from suffering. There is no way to avoid limiting his choices in some fashion, try though we might. In the end, whether hearing, deaf, blind, paralytic, male, female or neuter., we all have the same basic choices to make about how we will live with respect to our limitations. The choices that Ellis makes in this respect will determine the quality of person he is, and whether or not he merits our respect (he will always have our love). ”

I think he puts it all in a very healthy perspective.

Speaking for myself, I am very sorry for the pain that you and others have experienced in your contact with the hearing world. We have been, at times rude, dismissive and thoughtless in the way we have treated you. I know that in the past I have contributed to the pain by being afraid of looking stupid or something and not choosing to work at communicating. I am not real comfortable with initiating conversation with anyone I don’t know or pursuing it when I don’t know what to say. In avoiding conversation I am sure that I was at the least thoughtless and probably downright rude. It was not my intention to be rude but I realize that they could not know my intention. I am very sorry.

I’m also hoping that by being a good listener to people I come across is a step in the right direction. “Listening” to me means that I can accurately reflect what the other person is saying so that they know I understood what they said. It means that I do not minimize whatever they said. Part of the problem in this kind of internet dialog seems to be that we are so quick with our responses about our thoughts/experiences that we don’t take the time to try to understand what was actually said. It seems to add to the pain or confusion. I know I have been guilty of this at times.

Hoping for constructive dialog.
Cheryl

You’re absolutely on target with what you said. And that’s why I think it’s sad that there’s not adequate mental health counselors who speak ASL. What has happened in the past has left a huge, immeasurable scar on the Deaf Community, and that does need to be recognized by the hearing world.

Thank you again, Cheryl.

~ A Deaf Pundit

I am now in my late twenties and when I lost my hearing last year leaving me with not so much as the slightest audio cue with my super powered fancy schmancy digital hearing aid, it left me in a really hard position. I always thought I was a great lip reader being able to read lips from 20 feet away but when you can’t hear a single thing, it is extremely hard. It isn’t so much as yours eyes straining, it the exhaustion of trying to pair a sound with the movement. This is where knowing sign language would have come in handy that is if both my elementary and high school had the means.

The simple act of something asking me if I want water would have been so much simpler if I knew both ways of communication. Even if I did know sign language, who would I sign to? My answer in the past was no one but I could have signed to teach others to sign to me.