Anguished Mom: The MSSD Perpetrator is a Victim, too
It’s so sad that all of you talk as if you know what happened…
My son who is 15 and white was involved in this… his grandmother is black and 3 of his sisters are black… he has no understanding of discrimination and does not know what a swastika is… He is developmentally 10 or 11 and socially weak. He is not a pro signer nor is he a pro oral… He was stuck in hearing schools all his life and has only been in deaf school for 2 years.
He was invited by older students to play a game of “war” where the upstairs floor is one team and the downstairs floor was another team… the black student was captured by another black student, not because he was black but because he was on the other team. they tied him up as a prisoner of war and demanded to know the other teams plan and strategy. My son was directed by the other students to question him about the other teams plans. the student who was tied up was laughing at the questions and my son quit because he couldn’t get answers and went back to his room with another friend to play video games. Some time after that is when the disgusting racial hate took place.
My son should never have been involved but truly didn’t know what was going on yet he is now out of school too. According to dc police he is a victim as well. Some kids are not educated or developmentally capable of understanding social issues although their stated age says they should be.
While my son did the wrong thing, it was not with malicious intent. It is not correct to say that nobody was hurt.. the hurt among many of the students is extreme. My son still refuses to eat and cries uncontrollably each day a week later… the child that was tied up was his friend… he thought he was playing an innocent game of war where they take over the upstairs floor. When you entrust your child with special needs to a school and culture that you, as a parent, don’t fully understand, you think you are doing the right thing, you pray that they will be safe and taught, yet you later find out they are disliked because they speak and taken advantage of because they are weaker. Many of the stronger and older students that were involved were only given in dorm restriction rather than being sent home. They were wise to culture and language and pinned their disgraceful behaviors on the younger and weaker students. Those students who were in control and more powerful are the ones who have gotten away with their actions by using the weaker and younger students as scapegoats
Commentary: This was left this morning and as usual, I posted it unedited. There are some days I don’t relish being a blogger and today is one of them. As a former educator who have worked with developmentally challenged teens and adults, I feel the mom’s pain and betrayal. All I can do is to express my deep regret that this unfortunate incident happened in the first place and hope the police will  uncover the whole truth.  It’s also my desire that she gets in touch with me again.  MZ
It’s so sad that all of you talk as if you know what happened…
My son who is 15 and white was involved in this… his grandmother is black and 3 of his sisters are black… he has no understanding of discrimination and does not know what a swastika is… He is developmentally 10 or 11 and socially weak. He is not a pro signer nor is he a pro oral… He was stuck in hearing schools all his life and has only been in deaf school for 2 years.
He was invited by older students to play a game of “war” where the upstairs floor is one team and the downstairs floor was another team… the black student was captured by another black student, not because he was black but because he was on the other team. they tied him up as a prisoner of war and demanded to know the other teams plan and strategy. My son was directed by the other students to question him about the other teams plans. the student who was tied up was laughing at the questions and my son quit because he couldn’t get answers and went back to his room with another friend to play video games. Some time after that is when the disgusting racial hate took place.
My son should never have been involved but truly didn’t know what was going on yet he is now out of school too. According to dc police he is a victim as well. Some kids are not educated or developmentally capable of understanding social issues although their stated age says they should be.
While my son did the wrong thing, it was not with malicious intent. It is not correct to say that nobody was hurt.. the hurt among many of the students is extreme. My son still refuses to eat and cries uncontrollably each day a week later… the child that was tied up was his friend… he thought he was playing an innocent game of war where they take over the upstairs floor. When you entrust your child with special needs to a school and culture that you, as a parent, don’t fully understand, you think you are doing the right thing, you pray that they will be safe and taught, yet you later find out they are disliked because they speak and taken advantage of because they are weaker. Many of the stronger and older students that were involved were only given in dorm restriction rather than being sent home. They were wise to culture and language and pinned their disgraceful behaviors on the younger and weaker students. Those students who were in control and more powerful are the ones who have gotten away with their actions by using the weaker and younger students as scapegoats
Commentary: This was left this morning and as usual, I posted it unedited. There are some days I don’t relish being a blogger and today is one of them. As a former educator who have worked with developmentally challenged teens and adults, I feel the mom’s pain and betrayal. All I can do is to express my deep regret that this unfortunate incident happened in the first place and hope the police will  uncover the whole truth.  It’s also my desire that she gets in touch with me again.  MZ
October 8th, 2007 at 12:41 pm
Why did he go back to his room? He should have to report to RA instead of back to his room… If he felt there is something wrong, then he should have think first thing “dont join with those wrong group or he should report to RA either..” Once he was already involved with group and then he decide to quit.. but still too late for him… I know i felt bad for him… Hope he may go back to school again..
October 8th, 2007 at 12:44 pm
Well, this revealation just might be a blessing in disguise and go a long way in making meaningful discovery by the police. I hope the police are being advised as they go along in the investigation by someone like yourself, MZ. I can dream, right?
October 8th, 2007 at 12:56 pm
I am surprised that this mother and father (both parents) did not educate his son about his culture (being multi-cultural), social issues, communication among his family, and others. It is parents responsiblity to educate and communicate with thier child. This boy behaved because he learned this type of behavior at home, neighborhood, as well as at school. It is not his fault. It is his parents and his school’s fault.
I truly believed that parents MUST educate their child/ren when they were baby regardless of him/her being Deaf or hearing, as well as having disability or not.
Judy
October 8th, 2007 at 1:00 pm
The impression I get from reading this post is the game was still innocent when the student left to his room. It hadn’t become ugly yet.
What disturbs me is the allegations that these culprits were made scapegoats. The ringleaders should be held accountable, too, but, according to the mother, they got away with mild punishment. This should be investigated, too.
October 8th, 2007 at 1:03 pm
This adds another dimension to the situation…that there was another circle of people besides the seven at the center. Older students egging on younger or less able students?
It is never simple to try to analyze socially disapproved behavior. At the high school level, better supervision and mentoring between age and ability groups would have avoided this.
Perhaps by this mistake everyone will have learned a lesson that can remain for years.
October 8th, 2007 at 1:24 pm
After I read the mother wrote a message about her angry about the situation is not simple answered. but I feel that The boy need to tell RA about the situation instead of call something it need to be taught all of student with any kind of race. Because he have been difficult time almost all of his life into wrong school before found the place at a deaf school. There is good program at MSSD. I know how bad situation that he could not stopped cried for couple day after the incident was serious. Should WE blame him.. My feeling that it won’t able to answer the questions about why the boy did not reported.
I don’t think and believe that about RA’s fault. The student of six did know it is racism issues. I don’t think the boy’s responsible. He became victims and don’t know which it is right or wrong. .. Some kids feel overwhelmed which they brought up serious crime.
I agree Dianrez’s comment. It is not simple answered.
But, no excuse!!!
October 8th, 2007 at 2:03 pm
The kid is developmentally disabled. How do you expect him to report to the RA? Honestly, come on.
Yes, parents are responsible for educating their child. But if the child is developmentally disabled, then there is a limit at what the child can learn.
I agree, MSSD shouldn’t have sent this child home. I mean, he’s developmentally disabled. Ever heard of accepting reality and having compassion?
As a RA myself, there is no excuse for this happening. They did not do their job and watch the kids. This would never happen with my dorm students.
In this situation, I put the blame on the parents, the school, and the students themselves- all for different reasons. It takes a village to raise a child.
Erick K.
October 8th, 2007 at 4:08 pm
I think it’s time we stop arguing over who is to blame. All involved were victims, even the perpetrators, for they did not know appropriate behavior. We need to look forward and decide what to do from here, and act on it.
October 8th, 2007 at 5:00 pm
I was very touched by this mother’s response. My heart goes out to her and her son and the other students involved in this incident. Parents and Schools are not always on top of what their children need to know. We think we have covered the important things that need to be taught, then presto…our kids come up with something new we never expected.
I realize there are always different sides of the story. Although as a mother, my first questions would be.. Where was the RA? Who was suppose to be monitoring the students?
On another note, this mother seems to be saying that her son was not able to communicate fluently with the RA. The mother says her son was educted orally and because of developmental delays is not able to completely express himself in English or ASL. He is a child between languages.
I could be totally wrong, but this is how I see it. To me it is so very sad that this boy had finally found an educational environment that he loved but by trying to “fit in” with his peers, he became of unknowing victim.
Deprivation of language affects social, emotional, cognitive, academic development. This boy seems to be another victim of the system.
October 8th, 2007 at 5:10 pm
Oftentimes a parent with a developmentally and or multi-disabled child can be overwhelmed with how to raise their child while tending to their child’s individual required needs. They may be too busy focusing on their child’s mental/developmental/physical health rather than focusing on their child’s culture.
I just wanted to point this out to everyone and no, it’s not an excuse but for some parents of a developmentally delayed child, it can be really rough. The choices out there as to what is best for their child may be limited as the so-called “experts” give them advice on where to place their child/ren and how best to raise them in a world that may not have very much to choose from.
Just my three cents!
October 8th, 2007 at 7:39 pm
to #9.
I agree with you. For a deaf student like him, he should be given a credible benefit, if the other students were given mild punishment. It is always be survivors’ way around the world…
October 8th, 2007 at 10:46 pm
Feel bad for that kid and his mom. I have been there once as an Deaf Oralist during my Junior High school year. I am sure you have watched my recent vlog about “Blame ASL and Racism etc etc .. Poor kid–
Many kids take advantage of mentally and physically challenged(and even immigrant) kids who are either Deaf or Hearing. It is not acceptable.
October 8th, 2007 at 11:21 pm
Hearing Mom (#9),
I agree with youpretty much. Oh yes. I was not educated very much (probably none) at oral school for about ten years from the birth. Then, I still could not communicate well to the teachers, deaf students and even my family! That means my mind was pretty limited to understand about the good or bad situation. I think I understand this victim boy ran in bad stituation.
At least, good news for him is to learn ASL at deaf school. I hope he continues to learn ASL to understand better about the world.
I went to deaf school about almost twelve years old. At first, it was not easy.
No Name
October 9th, 2007 at 6:34 am
Sighs, we cannot blame the mother and the son because of the Oral education were not bright education for the Deaf.
Concerned about some of single mothers who had been struggling with more than 1 job or 2 jobs without having child supported from the ex-husband. That’s hard life to deal for some single mother of Deaf son in oral education.
I remembered that the couple with a Deaf little girl who arrived in America from Haiti. Some how the parents do not SPEAK English so well and had no job. They could not afford to pay the electric bills and other bills. So they used the candles. All of hearing children were alived except for one Deaf girl with CI user died in a fire! Sad, huh?
October 9th, 2007 at 8:38 am
I feel bad for the student and mother. We can’t change what has happened but what are we going to do to change the future as a whole community?
October 9th, 2007 at 2:12 pm
To the mom: I am a reporter at the Washington City Paper here in DC. I’ve thought from the beginning that there was more to this story than the sensational cries about racism. Your son’s story sounds particularly complicated. He did something wrong but he’s a victim too, and his history in the education system has a lot to do with it. I would love to learn more about his experience, and yours. You can reach me at avaldez@washingtoncitypaper.com
I’d be happy to keep you and your son’s name out of the paper.
October 10th, 2007 at 8:10 am
I do agree with those of you who say my son should have been taught about culture and discrimination. As a parent, we don’t know everything and do the best we can with what we have and know. Hind sight is 20/20 and I wish I had been able to see the future and recognize the need to discuss these issues with my son. Clearly that was my responsibility in which, however unintentional, I failed him as his mother in regards to this issue. I don’t know what happens next and although my son didn’t understand what he was involved in, I agree with some discipline as well as educating him now. He did get involved and should be taught that it was wrong that is how children learn I think. Initially, the punishment was a 5 day suspension which although harsh, I agreed with because it clearly stated that this situation was not good but the next step seems to be teaching rather than expulsion. The parents, educators and communities of these children should come together in an effort to insure that these young people have a clearer understanding of racism and acceptance of all human beings. Although I believe that I have been the best mother I knew how to be, sometimes as parents we need help in raising and teaching. I am frustrated by MSSD decision to expel these students rather than discipline and educate. MSSD is in a position now to positively impact the entire student population but working with the students and parents to teach the students compassion, caring and tolerance of all people. When people make mistakes out of ignorance, it is best if they can learn from the mistake and grow as people. As a parent, I learned that I should not have taken for granted that my son understood culture and diversity, that was my mistake. Therefore it is now up to me to educate him in diversity and also to educate him so that he understands that when other people are involved in things that are not right, he must walk away and tell someone. I need to insure that he understands the values and then teach him to take a stance for what is right.
October 13th, 2007 at 5:08 pm
Dear Mother,
I am the grandmother of one of the boys in this incident. and yes, he is also a victim.;
and it seems all the boys tell a different version of what happened.
When the school sent their report here, on Wed. there were several statements which were not the same as he has been telling.
Tell me,what do U think of kids running all over the dorm at 1:00 A.M? They definitely were not monitored, even if it WAS on the weekend!!
In this case, this grandson was out of the room when the questioning was going on, “playing” with others in the halls.
If the captured boy was masked, as I was told, how could he have seen your son, questioning him? and how would he KNOW who had hit him?
This, it seems was re-enacting what they may have seen on TV shows. not RIGHT, of course.and I am sure that these boys do not TRULY know the true story of KKK or of the Nazi regime horrors.
It would have been a greater lesson to these boys, to have been suspended a few days, and returned, and to have been taught exactly what this meant to black people, and to LEARN , with all the others, compassion, understanding, diversity.yhroughout the whole school.
These boys, as well as the captured boy, will carry the scars, well into College and work,for their juvenile, thoughtless behavior… and in some cases, for the fact that they truly did not understand what they were doing as deliberately WRONG.15 yr. old boys do not KNOW restraint!!
We MAY find that there IS racism there. Then it must be faced and there should be studies these children should take,Throughout the school, from KG thru grade 12. This is where it starts.
I am deeply sorry for your son… and for my grandson.
It is my hope that the administration will study this well, and give them a new chance.
October 14th, 2007 at 9:28 am
To the grandmother:
I am working on a story for the Washington City Paper about this incident and the way the school has handled it. I have spoken with the anguished mom and her son and with several MSSD grads. From what I can tell, the game did not begin with racist intentions. I would love to talk or email with you — or with your grandson’s parents. I think this story has been simplified and misconstrued in the national media. I’d like to take a step back, talk about what really happened and whether the school’s reaction has been appropriate.
I can definitely keep your grandson’s name out of the paper.
You can reach me at avaldez@washingtoncitypaper.com
Thanks,
Angela Valdez
October 14th, 2007 at 1:21 pm
I am flabergasted here. One commenter #13 puts the blame on Oral education. Another blames the administration. These are typical reactions by people who do not want to take responsibility.
Responsiblity for how a child acts starts at HOME. That’s right parents, you have had the opportunity to raise you children to treat other people with RESPECT. If you failed to do this then the blame is on YOU not the administration, oral education, or whatever other enitity you can conjure up.
Everyone needs to be held responsible for there actions. This means the children, the product of their parents, included.
Racism is a terrible thing full of hate. There is enough hate in this world.
Stop blaming others and making up excuses, look in the mirror.
I am tired of parents defending the children they have sculpted into them. Children are a mirror what they were brought up in. Parents it is time for you to change, NO ONE ELSE.
October 16th, 2007 at 6:54 pm
dee,
Take easy. I am only speaking out with the plain truth.
“Parents it is time for you to change”
You are correct. My parents DID change from school to other school for me to study therefore your recently comment is pointless.
I repeat, “Take easy”.
October 17th, 2007 at 9:26 pm
Hello… I have been reading a lot of blogs and v-logs for a couple of weeks and we all need to be careful on how we make comments about the boys. Many of you just judge quickly by hearing from the media, blogs, and vlogs. Most news are twisted and exaggerated. I see that many of you do not know the whole truth.. only the boys’ parents or even a grandma know the truth. They are deeply concerned and hurt from some nasty comments. The Adminstrators really did not do a great job handling the whole situation.
No parent is perfect! Most parents do try to teach their children family values and other things. We all try to teach our children but sometime we do forget some important issues to teach our children or sometime we assume they do know what is right or wrong. Kids do make mistakes and I beleive that it is okay for kids to make mistakes and learn from them. We adults all make or have made mistakes in our lives, too.
Yes, I beleive and hope that the 7 boys have learned from their mistakes and will move on… but my biggest questions are listed here.. what about the other 7 black boys??… why arent they punished? Why are they allowed to be free? They got into a fist fight and they did beat up a white boy on the other group?? Did they really learn about this? I doubt this because the Adminstrators did not do anything with this group.. they will do it again and maybe next time they wont be lucky to be alive because they did not learn anything. It wasnt only one victim who was upset. He voluntarily participated in this game and even laughed along with the group. There WERE many victims in both groups who got hurt from this.This whole thing led to a fist fight due to a misunderstanding. This would not even happen if the RA or dorm staff was around every 15 minutes to check the boys from 1 to 4 AM. What’s even more is that the 14 BOYS met together the next morning and worked their problems out!!!! WHat does that tell you??
Here are my comments to those 14 victims’ parents/grandparents… you all are wonderful parents who obviously show me that you do care for your sons. Yes they made several mistakes by using those racial names to be used as teams and breaking rules to play at 1 am, etc. Please do not take other people’s comments seriously or personally. The key now is to keep your communication open with your sons and discuss more often about things that are right or wrong openly. The boys need you to be supportive and strong for them…. The boys need to move on now and get the best education somewhere else.
Concerned
October 30th, 2007 at 3:26 pm
You don’t really need or want that lifestyle, it might hurt y’all slowly more…….Just tell him you
don’t wanna repeat something your not too proud of z7uas.